FOR SALE — UNIQUE GEOLOGICAL EVENT
₹4.7 Crores
Zestimate®: ₹4.7 Cr | Est. payment: ₹42,847/mo (includes gravitational mortgage + seismic insurance) | Sheikh Offer: ₹47 Cr DECLINED
47 cm Span, Chest Region, Lucknow, Uttar Pradesh 226001
🏠 2 Units (Jai + Veeru) 📐 47 cm span ⚖️ 14.2 kg bilateral 🚫 Depth: CLASSIFIED 🐱 1 Resident Cat 🔩 7-Hook System

Property Details

Property Type Mixed-use (Residential/Gravitational/Geological)
Surface Area 47 cm span (nipple-to-nipple)
Mass 14.2 kg (bilateral) — NASA-verified
Brassiere System 7-hook Industrial (Titanium) — open-source specs
Classification NEO-2024-PJ (NASA) / Richter-Adjacent (JMA)
Legal Status Permanent Geographical Feature + Legal Person
Taxes 3 returns (host + Jai + Veeru)
Satellite 1 (Sthanmugam Jr., in orbit since 2022)
Spine Load Rating "Bridge-class" — Dr. V.K. Gupta
Insurance Lloyd's of London (same desk as oil tankers)
HOA ₹8,470/mo (Irfan maintenance included)
Airport Access All except Narita. LAX: special screening.

About This Property

Once-in-a-civilization opportunity to own prime real estate in Lucknow's most gravitationally significant residential zone.

This exceptional mixed-use property offers unique living space beneath one of India's most studied gravitational anomalies. Featuring two independent residential units (Left: 'Jai' / Right: 'Veeru'), this property boasts natural thermal regulation at a constant 31.2°C, panoramic microclimate systems, built-in earthquake monitoring capabilities, and a resident cat in stable orbit since June 2022.

Perfect for the adventurous buyer seeking something truly unique. Previous residents include one intrepid journalist (30-day residency, subsequently published memoir) and one very comfortable cat (indefinite orbit, refuses to leave). The property has been featured on Netflix (8-part docuseries), National Geographic, and YouTube (847M combined views).

Property includes exclusive access to the 7-hook industrial bra infrastructure, maintained by certified specialist Irfan from Lucknow (maintenance included in HOA). Mother Dairy franchise rights included with purchase. Victoria's Secret has expressed interest in long-term sponsorship. NASA maintains monitoring privileges. Spotify has classified sounds emanating from the property as "Mammary Rock."

Note: Compass navigation is non-functional within 50-meter radius. Google Maps classifies this as "an event, not a location." GPS devices experience mild drift. Local wildlife includes one (1) cat in stable orbit and several stray dogs using the chest as shade. All measurements approximate; precise dimensions fluctuate with gravitational tides. BraTracker Pro recommended for real-time monitoring.

Property Features

Natural hot spring activity (31.2°C constant)
360° views (the chest sees all)
Built-in earthquake early warning system
2 independent units (Left: 'Jai', Right: 'Veeru')
Private microclimate with precipitation
Gravitational mass of 14.2 kg (bilateral)
Titanium underwire reinforcement (aerospace-grade)
Load-tested to 2.4 kg per hook
Japan Earthquake Warning System integration
ISRO-approved satellite monitoring (ASTROSAT-2)
Mother Dairy franchise eligibility
Permanent geological status (relief map inclusion)
Victoria's Secret sponsorship potential
One resident cat (included, non-negotiable)
Sound-dampening mammary tissue walls
Gravitational well access (mild-to-moderate)
Custom reinforced flooring (bridge specifications)
Dedicated BraTracker Pro monitoring station

Open House Report

🏚️ OPEN HOUSE: March 10, 2024 — INCIDENT REPORT

Duration: Scheduled 2:00–5:00 PM | Actual: 2:00–2:47 PM | Status: CATASTROPHIC

1:45 PM — Setup
Agent Irfan arrives with reinforced welcome mat
Irfan Siddiqui (listing agent) arrives 15 minutes early. Places industrial-grade welcome mat at entrance. Requests all attendees sign a "gravitational waiver" and an NDA about hook count. Sets out snacks. Positions emergency underwire repair kit near the coat closet. Mutters "Ya Allah" twice.
2:00 PM — First Arrival
Col. Bhatia (Retd.) arrives to "inspect for code violations"
RWA President Col. Bhatia (Retd.) enters wearing a hard hat. Claims he's here to verify "residential zoning compliance." Brings a decibel meter. Declares the property "a seismic hazard masquerading as a chest." Demands to speak to the property itself. Jai and Veeru decline comment.
2:08 PM — Insurance Assessment
Deepak from Lloyd's of London conducts risk survey
Insurance Adjuster Deepak arrives with the same clipboard he uses for oil tankers. Measures doorframe clearance. Calculates load-bearing capacity of each room. Writes "UNPRECEDENTED" in the margin seven times. Asks Irfan if the property has ever capsized. Irfan stares at him for 11 seconds.
2:14 PM — Interested Buyer #1
UAE Sheikh (Anonymous) offers ₹47 Cr via satellite phone
A man in a white thobe examines the property through opera glasses. Makes a phone call in Arabic. Turns to Irfan: "I will buy this as modern art for my Dubai museum." Offers ₹47 Crores. Panshul declines from the next room: "They are not art. They are my chest." Sheikh raises to ₹50 Cr. Panshul: "Still no." Sheikh nods respectfully. Leaves in a Rolls-Royce. Takes a brochure.
2:22 PM — THE SNEEZE
⚠️ Panshul sneezes. Open house enters crisis mode.
Panshul, who was not supposed to be at his own open house, sneezes in the hallway. BraTracker Pro immediately sends CRITICAL ALERT. Hook #3 stress spikes to 94%. The chandelier in the living room sways. Col. Bhatia's decibel meter reads 147 dB. Three prospective buyers grab the doorframe. Watchman Shankar downstairs salutes reflexively. Dr. Kenji Watanabe in Tokyo detects a 1.8 magnitude event and dispatches an email. Irfan drops his chai and sprints toward the underwire kit. The ceiling fan stops, restarts, stops again.
2:23 PM — Structural Emergency
Irfan performs emergency Hook #3 repair (47 seconds)
Irfan, moving with the precision of a combat medic, replaces Hook #3 with a spare titanium hook from his belt pouch. Total repair time: 47 seconds. His wife Shabnam later reports he was "eerily calm" during the repair but woke up screaming about underwire at 3 AM for the fourth consecutive year. Apprentice Munna, observing from the hallway, immediately updates his Domino's availability on the scheduling app.
2:28 PM — Resumption Attempt
Mrs. Khurana arrives to complain. Stays to browse.
Neighbor Mrs. Khurana, who has filed 14 RWA complaints about "structural vibrations," arrives to deliver complaint #15 in person. Becomes genuinely interested in the property after learning the Zestimate is ₹4.7 Cr. "At THAT price, I can tolerate the vibrations." Asks if there's a discount for adjacent units. Irfan explains this is not a condo.
2:31 PM — Confused Visitor
Swiggy Driver Ravi delivers biryani to "Panshul's Left Tit"
Ravi arrives at the open house looking for a restaurant called "Panshul's Left Tit." Shows Irfan the delivery address on his phone. Irfan closes his eyes. Opens them. Explains the situation. Ravi stares at the property. Stares at his phone. Delivers the biryani anyway. Gives it 4.2 stars. "Good ambiance. Confusing GPS."
2:35 PM — Municipal Assessment
Municipal Officer Tiwari attempts commercial property reclassification
Tiwari from the Municipal Corporation arrives with a briefcase full of forms. Argues the property generates enough foot traffic to qualify as "commercial." Presents data showing 847 visitors per month since the TED Talk. Irfan presents the Supreme Court ruling granting residential + geological status. Tiwari reluctantly stamps "RESIDENTIAL (ANOMALOUS)" on the form. Asks for a selfie. Denied.
2:38 PM — Newton Incident
Panshul's cat Newton treats a buyer's head as a launch pad
Newton the cat, who treats the chest as a personal gravity well, launches from the top of the bookshelf toward Jai (left unit). Miscalculates trajectory. Lands on the head of a prospective buyer (later identified as Life Insurance Agent Verma, who had come to assess risk). Verma's toupee is displaced. Newton, unbothered, settles into orbit around the chest. Verma quietly updates his actuarial tables. "Our models don't go this far."
2:41 PM — Photography Crisis
Wedding Photographer Bunty attempts listing photos
Irfan hired Bunty to take professional listing photos. Bunty arrives with a standard lens. Realizes the error. Switches to wide-angle. Still insufficient. "I needed a panoramic lens. For ONE property. On ONE person." Takes 47 photos. Only 3 capture the full scope. "I've photographed 200 weddings. Nothing prepared me for this." His portfolio, however, receives a massive boost. Instagram engagement up 847%.
2:44 PM — Structural Furniture Failure
Panshul sits on the display chair. The chair becomes abstract art.
Irfan had placed a tasteful staging chair in the living room. Panshul, exhausted from the sneeze incident, sits down. The chair, rated for 120 kg, encounters the additional 14.2 kg of gravitational anomaly concentrated in a non-standard distribution. Two legs buckle. The chair assumes a shape described by Restaurant Owner Khan Sahab (who was passing by) as "modern art." Builder Contractor Harish, also present, shakes his head: "I told him. Bridge specifications. BRIDGE." Structural Engineer Priya Reddy later invoices ₹2 lakhs for a replacement. Again.
2:47 PM — Evacuation
Open house terminated after Biscuit triggers second sneeze
Panshul's dog Biscuit, who has fallen off the chest 47 times and learned nothing, attempts to climb onto Jai. This triggers a reflexive second sneeze. BraTracker Pro enters DEFCON 1. The newly-installed Hook #3 holds, but Hook #5 enters yellow zone. Irfan officially terminates the open house. Col. Bhatia declares "I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A SEISMIC ZONE." Chai Wallah Bunty outside the building reports selling 34 cups during the 47-minute event. "Best Saturday ever." All prospective buyers are escorted out. The Swiggy biryani remains unclaimed.

Price & Value History

Date Event Price/Value Change
Today Listed for Sale (Post Open House Disaster) ₹4.7 Cr
Mar 2024 Open House terminated after 47 minutes ₹4.7 Cr +4.4%
Feb 2024 TED Talk (50M views, "I Just Want to See the Cherry Blossoms") ₹4.5 Cr +18%
Jan 2024 Supreme Court Ruling (2024 SCC 847) — Legal personhood ₹3.8 Cr +47%
Nov 2023 NASA Classification (NEO-2024-PJ) ₹2.6 Cr +89%
Sep 2023 Netflix deal signed ("The Weight of Greatness" docuseries) ₹2.1 Cr +50%
Jun 2023 UAE Sheikh's ₹47 Cr offer declined. Market shook. ₹1.4 Cr -0% (held)
Jan 2023 Journalist Emerges (30-day stay, memoir published) ₹1.4 Cr +156%
Aug 2022 Dr. Sharma's paper published — 847 citations in first year ₹68 Lakh +24%
Jun 2022 Cat (Sthanmugam Jr.) takes residence. Refuses to leave. ₹55 Lakh +340%
Mar 2022 Narita Airport Incident + permanent ban ₹12.5 Lakh -15% (temporary stigma)
Jan 2020 Guinness World Record application filed ₹14.7 Lakh +17%
Mar 2019 Victoria's Secret Fitting — CEO resigns next day ₹12.5 Lakh +133%
Dec 2018 Mother Dairy franchise offer — Bansal sees "brand alignment" ₹5.4 Lakh +440%
Jan 2018 Purchase by Host Organism (original valuation) ₹1.0 Lakh
~2015 PE Teacher Mr. Saxena resigns. First documented sighting. Unvalued

Historical data provided by Dr. R.K. Sharma, IIT Moob-bay. All prices adjusted for gravitational inflation. SEBI Investigator Rahul has confirmed all valuations are legitimate. Suspicious bra futures trading by Sunita Jindal (Panshul's mom) remains under investigation.

Neighborhood Overview — Hazratganj, Lucknow

847
Monthly Visitors (post-TED Talk)
14.2x
Uber Surge Multiplier (50m radius)
₹35L
Avg. Nearby Home Price (non-anomalous)

The Hazratganj neighborhood has been fundamentally transformed by proximity to NEO-2024-PJ. Property values within the 50-meter gravitational influence zone have increased 340% since 2022, while properties outside the zone have actually decreased in value — prospective buyers report "feeling unspecial" after visiting.

Local businesses have adapted: Chai Wallah Bunty outside the building has expanded from one kettle to four. Autorickshaw Driver Pappu, who once stared at the chest for 30 seconds and drove away, now charges premium "anomaly tours." Sarojini Nagar Shopkeeper Guddu — the only vendor who'll sell to Panshul — has tripled his prices and quadrupled his revenue.

Seismologist Dr. Kenji Watanabe describes the neighborhood as "the most seismically interesting residential block in South Asia." Google Maps Data Analyst Pooja still cannot classify the area: "It's not a business. It's not a landmark. It's an event that refuses to end."

Neighborhood Testimonials

Watchman Shankar: "I have guarded this building for 22 years. I now salute the chest separately when it enters. Old habit from when the Supreme Court gave it legal personhood. Jai gets the first salute. Veeru understands."

Electrician Guptaji: "The ceiling fan in his flat works twice as hard. I've replaced the motor 4 times this year. It's not the motor. It's the gravitational field. The fan is fighting physics and losing."

Postman Mohan: "Two letters always arrive for the same address. One for Panshul. One addressed to 'The Chest, c/o Panshul Jindal.' After the court ruling I have to deliver both separately. I ring the bell twice."

Newspaper Boy Chintu: "I throw the newspaper at his chest from 20 meters. I never miss. Biggest target in the colony. My accuracy has actually gotten worse for other houses because I'm spoiled now."

Risk Assessment

⚠️ Severe

Seismic Activity

23 "Panshul events" recorded since 2022. Sneezes register 1.8–2.4 on the Richter scale. Dr. Watanabe (JMA) maintains 24/7 monitoring. Recommend earthquake insurance.

⚠️ Severe

Structural Collapse (Bra)

Hook #3 has entered critical zone 14 times in 2024. BraTracker Pro alerts recommended. Irfan on 6-minute emergency response. Without him: catastrophic.

⚡ Moderate

Compass/GPS Interference

All navigation systems non-functional within 50m. Uber drivers report "the pin just spins." Google Maps classifies the zone as "event."

⚡ Moderate

Microclimate / Precipitation

Natural precipitation events during afternoon hours. Subpectoral temperature constant at 31.2°C. Meteorologist Arvind Kumar issues regular mammary weather advisories.

✓ Low

Flood Risk

Standard residential flood risk. However, during sneeze events, localized "mammary tsunami" waves have been observed within 2-meter radius. Surfboard recommended.

🔬 Unique

Cat Orbital Decay

Sthanmugam Jr. (resident cat) has been in stable orbit since 2022 but orbital decay could cause re-entry at any time. Biscuit (dog) has fallen off 47 times. Impact risk: fur-related.

Walk Score®

14

Car-Dependent (Gravitationally Challenged)

Most errands require a car — though chest makes walking difficult. The gravitational pull causes fatigue at distances over 50 meters. Dr. V.K. Gupta: "His spine is doing things I've only seen in bridges." Recommended: use Uber (14.2x surge), delivery services, or simply wait for things to come to you (they will — gravity).

0

Transit Score

No public transit will accept the property. Indian Railways requires 2 berths. Autorickshaw Driver Pappu turned off his meter and drove away.

7

Bike Score

"Aerodynamically impossible." — MIT Prof. David Chen (0 citations)

Comparable Properties (None Found)

Zillow's algorithm attempted to find comparable sales. After processing 14.2 million listings, it returned the following closest matches:

🗻

Mount Everest, Nepal

Sagarmatha Zone, Nepal · Est. 60M years old
⚖️ 810 trillion kg 📐 8,849m
Priceless
Similarity: 3.2% (both are geographical features with their own weather systems)
🛢️

Supertanker "Jahre Viking"

Scrapped, 2010 · Formerly world's largest ship
⚖️ 564,763 tonnes 📐 458m length
$70M (at sale)
Similarity: 2.1% (Lloyd's of London uses same insurance desk for both)
🌑

NEO-2024-PJ (The Chest Itself)

Low Earth Orbit / Also Lucknow, UP
⚖️ 14.2 kg 📐 47 cm span
₹4.7 Cr (self-referential)
Similarity: 100% (it's the same property listed twice because it has legal personhood)

Schools in This Area

IIT Moob-bay — Department of Mammary Physics
10/10 Dr. R.K. Sharma, Chair

Premier institution for gravitational anomaly research. Home of the ASTROSAT-2 data analysis team. Admission requires acceptance letter from chest itself. PhD Student Rahul's thesis ("Mammary Mechanics in Non-Newtonian Frameworks") is still ABD after 6 years. 847 citations and counting.

Irfan's Emergency Tailoring Academy
9/10 Certified 7-hook Bra Construction

The only program in Asia certified for industrial-grade mammary support. Graduates work exclusively on NEO-2024-PJ. Apprentice Munna (now at Domino's) is the only dropout. Industrial Welding Instructor Rajiv guest-lectures on titanium underwire: "This isn't fashion. This is engineering." Open-source curriculum on GitHub.

Lucknow Senior Secondary
7/10 Panshul's alma mater

Where "Sthanmugam" was first coined by Amit Saxena in 8th class. Famous alumni include one gravitational anomaly. PE Teacher Mr. Saxena resigned in 2015. Metal detectors still non-functional from graduation year. Full history on Wikipedia.

What's Nearby

🥛 Mother Dairy Franchise (Bablu) 0.1 km — Free milk for Panshul ("brand alignment")
🪡 Irfan's Emergency Tailoring 0.3 km — 6-min emergency response time
☕ Bunty's Chai Stall 0.0 km — Directly below. 847 cups/day during court hearings.
🍗 Tunday Kebab (Khan Sahab) 0.4 km — "He sat down. The chair became art."
⚖️ Supreme Court of India Jurisdiction: Chest has legal standing (2024 SCC 847)
🛰️ ISRO Monitoring Station ASTROSAT-2 satellite tracking — continuous
👗 Sarojini Nagar (Guddu's Stall) 2.1 km — Only vendor who sells to Panshul. Triple price.
💪 Cult.fit Gym (Former) 0.8 km — Trainer Ravi quit Day 1. Now a yoga studio.
🚫 Narita Airport BANNED (permanent, 14-page letter, Chief Yamamoto)
🌸 Cherry Blossom Sites (Tokyo) ∞ — He just wants to see them. He can't.

Agent Reviews

Reviews for Listing Agent Irfan Siddiqui · Premier Agent · 4.7 ★ (47 reviews)

Dr. R.K. Sharma Mar 2024
★★★★★
"The only agent who understands gravitational real estate"
I have worked with Irfan for 6 years on the Jindal Chest property. No other agent in India — or the world — has the expertise to list, market, and maintain a property that is simultaneously a residential unit, a geological feature, and a legal person. His 47-second Hook #3 repair during the open house was the most impressive real estate performance I've ever witnessed. He also makes excellent chai.
✓ Verified Purchase — IIT Moob-bay
Insurance Adjuster Deepak (Lloyd's of London) Mar 2024
★★★★☆
"More thorough than our oil tanker team"
I insure oil tankers, offshore platforms, and the occasional private island. Irfan's documentation for this property exceeds anything I've seen in the maritime sector. His structural integrity reports, hook maintenance logs, and cat orbital tracking data are impeccable. Deducting one star because he could not answer my question about whether the property has ever "capsized." He stared at me for 11 seconds.
✓ Verified — Lloyd's of London
Mrs. Khurana (Neighbor) Mar 2024
★★☆☆☆
"Professional, but the vibrations continue"
Irfan is a competent agent. I say this as someone who has filed 14 complaints to the RWA about structural vibrations from this property. He was polite during the open house, offered me chai, and even showed me the Zestimate (₹4.7 Cr — I was impressed). However, the fact remains that every sneeze from next door rattles my china cabinet. I have attended 3 open houses for this property. Each one ended in evacuation. My rating reflects the property, not the agent. Actually, no. Two stars for both.
✓ Verified — RWA Complaint #14
French Fashion Critic Jean-Pierre Feb 2024
★★★★★
"Magnifique. Terrifying. I need wine."
I was invited by Victoria's Secret to assess the property for potential acquisition. Irfan greeted me in a perfectly pressed kurta with a tape measure around his neck — not for my measurements, he clarified, but for "emergency structural work." The property itself is beyond anything in Paris or Milan. The 7-hook system is more architecturally significant than the Eiffel Tower. I told him this. He said "I know." I needed three glasses of wine afterward. Five stars.
✓ Verified — Paris Fashion Week Delegate
Sr. Counsel R.K. Mammaswamy Feb 2024
★★★★★
"Irfan's notarization is now legally required"
As Panshul's attorney — and yes, my name is a cosmic coincidence, thank you for not asking — I can confirm that the Supreme Court ruling now requires Irfan's notarization for ALL transactions involving this property. No other real estate agent in India has been granted judicial notarization powers by the Supreme Court. The man can repair a titanium hook in 47 seconds AND file a property deed. He is the most important tailor-turned-agent in legal history.
✓ Verified — Supreme Court Bar Association
Panshul's Mom (Sunita Jindal) Jan 2024
★★★☆☆
"Good agent, but beta shouldn't sell"
Irfan is a good man. He has been making bras for my son for years. But I don't understand why we are selling. This is papa ke side se aaya hai — why sell family heritage? Also I have been buying bra futures in bulk and SEBI Investigator Rahul keeps calling. Irfan, please tell him I'm just a concerned mother buying in bulk for my son. Three stars because I don't want him to actually sell.
✓ Verified — Family (Under SEBI Investigation)
Property Disclaimer: Zillow and its affiliates are not responsible for gravitational effects, compass malfunction, sneeze-induced seismic events, cat orbital decay, chair destruction, or bra infrastructure failures. All measurements approximate and subject to tidal variation. The 7-hook industrial bra is sold separately but maintained through HOA. Victoria's Secret maintains right of first refusal. NASA maintains satellite monitoring rights. Narita Airport ban unaffected by property transfer. Cat (Sthanmugam Jr.) not included in sale but will likely remain (gravity). Dog (Biscuit) has fallen off 47 times. Mother Dairy franchise rights transfer with property. Tax obligations include 3 separate returns. Supreme Court case 2024 SCC 847 sets precedent. All buyers must be approved by chest itself. BraTracker Pro subscription recommended. No refunds. No exchanges. No warranty. The Swiggy biryani from the open house was eventually eaten by Biscuit.