@panshul.tits • Instagram

panshul.tits ✓

📍 Lucknow, India (both postal codes)

···

🔖

312,847 likes

panshul.tits New bra day! 🎉 Irfan finally delivered the Mark VII — titanium-reinforced, 7-hook industrial grade, rated for Category 5 seismic activity. It took 47 days, 3 nervous breakdowns, and a structural engineering consultation from IIT Moob-bay. The old one is being retired to the National Museum as a "feat of textile engineering."

Shoutout to my chest for being 14.2 kg of pure gravitational chaos. The bra straps alone have more tensile strength than the Golden Gate Bridge cables.

Full LinkedIn case study on the engineering specs. We're hiring for the next Mark VIII btw 👀

#NewBraDay #7HookGang #IrfansMasterpiece #GravityCanWait #36DD #TitaniumStrength #ChestDay #EveryDayIsChestDay #PanshulVGravity #MotherDairy #WeightOfItAll

📌 Pinned by creator

panshul.tits ✓ Before yall ask — yes, 14.2 kg has been independently verified by IIT Moob-bay, Guinness World Records, and my bathroom scale (RIP). FAQ in highlights. No, I won't DM you measurements. Yes, Irfan is okay (mostly). ❤️ 47.2K · 14h

mother_dairy_official ✓ Our brand ambassador looking HEAVY! 🥛🏔️ Got Panshul? New billboard campaign dropping Monday in 14 cities. The chest IS the billboard. #synergies #GotPanshul ❤️ 12.4K · 13h Reply

bablu_motherdairy_booth Bhaiya ko roz free doodh deta hoon. Brand alignment bolte hain. 🥛🤝

victoriassecret ✓ This post has been flagged by our legal team. Our size calculator still returns NaN when processing your measurements. We are issuing a formal cease & desist against your chest. Please stop existing in our market segment. Our former CEO now runs a goat farm because of you. — Victoria's Secret Legal Department ❤️ 28.7K · 12h Reply

jockey_india_official We make underwear, not architecture. Forwarding this to our structural division. Oh wait, we don't have one. @victoriassecret welcome to the club 😭

lloyds_of_london ✓ We would like to discuss insuring this. Our actuaries have classified it as an "Act of God with a BMI." Premium estimate: £847,000/year. We insure oil tankers — this is harder. DM us. 📊 ❤️ 8.9K · 12h Reply

insurance_agent_verma Our actuarial tables literally don't go this far. I showed my boss and he asked for early retirement.

nasa_official ✓ Our Planetary Defense team has been tracking this mass since 2023. Designation: NEO-2024-PJ. Please stay away from our satellites. Intern Jake is writing the impact assessment. 🛰️ Full report on our mission page. ❤️ 34.1K · 11h Reply

isro_satanalyst_priya ASTROSAT-2 picked this up last Tuesday. We thought a new mountain was forming. Filed a geological alert. It was just Panshul sitting down. 🏔️

nasa_intern_jake I classified it as a Near-Earth Object and my supervisor hasn't spoken to me since

irfan_tailor_lucknow Please take down this post. Every time you tag me, I get 200 DMs from people asking for "industrial bras." I am a SHERWANI MAKER. I was a respectable man. My wife Shabnam says I scream about underwire in my sleep. It's been 2 years. 😭 I am applying for the therapy covered in the Naukri job listing. ❤️ 52.3K · 11h Reply

munna_dominos I was Irfan bhai's apprentice for 3 days on this project. I now make pizzas at Domino's. Best career decision of my life. The dough doesn't fight back.

shabnam_irfan_wife @irfan_tailor_lucknow come home. The underwire nightmares were less frequent before this post. 😤

— View 47 more replies

dr.rk.sharma.iit ✓ Paper #18 incoming: "Instagram Engagement Metrics as a Function of Mammary Mass: The Jindal Correlation." Your likes-per-kg ratio is unprecedented at 22,031 likes/kg. MIT's Prof. Chen published a counter-paper. 0 citations. I have 847. 📈 Full paper ❤️ 6.7K · 10h Reply

iit_phd_rahul Sir my thesis "Mammary Mechanics in Non-Newtonian Frameworks" is stuck because the chest keeps producing new data faster than I can model it. Still ABD after 4 years. 😩

narita_airport_jpn ✓ 🚫✈️ The ban still stands. Chief Yamamoto personally wrote the 14-page letter. Dr. Tanaka treated 3 passengers for "proximity-induced vertigo" the last time you were here. Please stop tagging us in your content. ❤️ 19.8K · 10h Reply

dr_kenji_seismologist I tracked 23 "Panshul events" on Japanese soil since 2022. The JMA issued a public apology for the false earthquake. We cannot have this happen again. 🇯🇵

supreme_court_india ✓ Panshul v. Gravity hearing rescheduled to next month. Please bring the evidence (both of them). Court clerk Dinesh has filed 847 pages and developed carpal tunnel. Justice Boobesh presiding. See full case file. ❤️ 15.2K · 9h Reply

sr_counsel_mammaswamy As Panshul's legal representative, I advise my client not to post evidence on Instagram. Also my name is a cosmic coincidence and I'd like everyone to stop pointing it out. ⚖️

chai_wallah_bunty Court ke bahar 847 chai bech diya last hearing mein. Best day ever. Next hearing ki date bata do bhaiya 🍵

priya.kapoor.xo I loved him for who he is. But the gravitational pull was suffocating. Literally. I couldn't breathe in the same bed. My Tinder profile now says "no gravitational anomalies." Good luck with the new bra babe 💔 ❤️ 41.6K · 9h Reply

confused_bumble_sneha His profile said "6 feet tall." It didn't mention the other dimensions. I showed up and needed a wide-angle lens to see the whole man. 📐

vicky_roommate I lived with him for 6 months. Thought the chest was a weighted blanket for 3 months. Still paying therapy bills. @priya.kapoor.xo I understand. I truly understand.

googlemaps_data ✓ We don't know how to classify this. It's not a business. It's not a landmark. It's not a natural formation. Our analyst Pooja has been arguing with the algorithm for 6 months. The chest keeps appearing as a "point of interest" on the Lucknow map. 📍 ❤️ 9.4K · 8h Reply

uber_product_james We personally coded the 14.2x surge multiplier exception for his pickup zone. See the technical explanation. It's real. 🚗

jeanpierre_fashioncritique ✓ Magnifique. Terrifying. The titanium hook work is — how you say — couture for the apocalypse. I have dressed models in Paris, Milan, Tokyo. Nothing prepared me for this. I need wine. 🍷🇫🇷 ❤️ 7.1K · 8h Reply

mr_pemberton_royaltailor We've dressed kings. We've dressed queens. We cannot dress this. The House of Pemberton formally declines. 🇬🇧

akash_zomato_delivery Bhai navigation said 300m but I could see the chest from 2km away. Delivered the biryani. He gave 5 stars. Biggest target in Lucknow. 🍛📍 ❤️ 22.8K · 7h Reply

swiggy_driver_ravi I delivered food to "Panshul's Left Tit, Lucknow." Thought it was a restaurant name. It was a GPS coordinate.

newspaper_boy_chintu I aim for the chest from 20m. Never miss. Biggest target in the colony. 🎯📰

dr_mueller_cern ✓ The Higgs Boson gives mass to particles. Panshul gives mass to continents. We ran the numbers through the Large Hadron Collider models. The results made two interns cry and one post-doc switch to philosophy. 🔬 ❤️ 11.3K · 7h Reply

dr_anand_endocrinologist Hormones don't explain this. Physics doesn't explain this. God might. I'm not joking. I have a PhD and I'm stumped.

col_bhatia_rwa THIS IS A RESIDENTIAL SOCIETY NOT A SEISMIC ZONE. The vibrations have cracked Mrs. Khurana's ceiling AGAIN. I am calling an emergency RWA meeting. The "structural vibration" complaint has 47 signatures now. @panshul.tits control your chest or vacate the premises. — Col. Bhatia (Retd), President, Green Valley RWA ❤️ 18.5K · 6h Reply

mrs_khurana_neighbour My chandelier fell for the THIRD TIME. I'm billing @panshul.tits. The RWA structural report confirms "non-standard gravitational forces originating from Unit 4B."

landlord_ahuja I charge him 1.5x rent. Heavy objects need heavy deposits. But honestly even that's not covering the floor reinforcement. @contractor_harish used bridge specifications for the bedroom. 🏗️

watchman_shankar I salute the chest separately when he enters the gate. Old habit. Cannot help it sir. 🫡🫡

spotify_engineering ✓ His album broke our genre classification algorithm. We had to add "Mammary Rock" as an official genre. Engineer Sarah hasn't recovered. 14.2M streams in the first week. Check his Spotify Wrapped. 🎵 ❤️ 8.2K · 6h Reply

ravi_cultfit_trainer I quit on Day 1 of training him. I can't spot someone whose chest outweighs the barbell. The bench press broke. The bench BROKE. I'm now a yoga instructor. Actually no — yoga didn't work either. @ananya_yoga tell them. ❤️ 14.7K · 5h Reply

ananya_yoga Downward dog is fine. Cobra pose... we don't talk about cobra pose. Two students left the class. One is still in therapy. 🧘‍♀️💀

neutralpedia_wiki I've defended the Wikipedia article from 847 deletion attempts. "Not notable enough" — IT HAS ITS OWN GRAVITATIONAL FIELD. The edit history is 14 pages long. I've been called before the moderation board twice. I regret nothing. ❤️ 5.9K · 5h Reply

stackoverflow_mod I keep reopening the gravitational pull question. "Closed as off-topic" — it's a legitimate physics problem with 847 upvotes. Check the thread.

sunita_jindal_mom Beta ye tera papa ke side se aaya hai. Main toh bilkul flat hoon. Rajesh ki family mein koi toh hoga. Dadi bol rahi hai great-grandmother ko bhi tha. Evidence toh nahi hai lekin woh kuch bhi bolti hai 🙄 Also beta eat something you look thin (everywhere else). ❤️ 67.4K · 4h Reply

rajesh_jindal_dad Sunita ji please. Mere family mein koi DD nahi tha. Mai flat-chested hoon. Papa flat the. Dadaji flat the. Ye kahan se aaya mujhe genuinely nahi pata. 😐

rohit_jindal_cousin I'm flat as a chapati. Family reunions are SO awkward. Everyone stares at him then stares at me like "beta you got the wrong genes" 🫓

duolingo ✓ We released Panshulese as a language. Downloads: 14.2M. Native speakers: 1. The owl is concerned. Learn the language of gravity at duolingo.com/panshulese 🦉 ❤️ 21.3K · 4h Reply

pappu_auto_lucknow Stared for 30 seconds. Turned off the meter. Drove away. Kya bataaun. Dekh ke sab bhool gaya — route, fare, naam. Sab. 🛺 ❤️ 33.1K · 3h Reply

traffic_cop_pandey I stopped him for ID check. Got distracted. He got away. Filed a report that said "suspect has unmissable features." My inspector thought I was being sarcastic. I was being literal.

dr_fatima_aiims ✓ The MRI machine returned "OBJECT TOO LARGE." I thought it was broken. It wasn't broken. The machine had simply never encountered this volume before. Dr. Meera Sharma who first documented the condition retired early. I understand why now. See the medical profile. ❤️ 9.8K · 3h Reply

nurse_rekha_deshmukh I was the first to measure in the ER. The ruler was too short. I had to tape two rulers together. My hands were shaking. I've seen gunshot wounds calmly. This... this was different.

pharmacist_suresh_medplus Refused to sell "extra support" garments without a structural engineer's note. I work at MedPlus not TATA Projects. 💊🏗️

netflix_india ✓ "The Weight of It All" is now our #1 most-watched documentary globally. 3 seasons. 10 episodes per season. 14.2 kg of truth. Rated TV-MA (Mammary Adult). Stream now on Netflix. The production team needs therapy. 📺🔥 ❤️ 16.7K · 2h Reply

wedding_photographer_bunty I shot the behind-the-scenes for the doc. Needed a wide-angle lens. For ONE person. Won a National Award though so 🤷‍♂️📸

dmitri_strongman_rus I lift 200kg. I respect the 14.2. Per side? Per side. 💪 My coach said if I can carry what Panshul carries daily, I qualify for Olympics. I cannot. He is the real strongman. 🇷🇺 ❤️ 13.4K · 2h Reply

bazza_surf_instructor Mate, those things would cause a tsunami in Australia. Bondi Beach would evacuate. 🇦🇺🌊

dinesh_amazon_warehouse I pack the Jindal-Proof bras for Amazon delivery. We use the same crate as washing machines. Shipping weight: 3.2 kg PER BRA. The delivery driver thought it was an appliance return. 📦 ❤️ 7.3K · 1h Reply

tattoo_rocky_lucknow He wanted a "small" tattoo on his chest. Brother, there is no "small" on this canvas. I spent 6 hours on what was supposed to be a 2-inch design. It stretched to 8 inches. The needle needed replacing twice. My arm is still sore. 🎨💀 ❤️ 11.1K · 1h Reply

barber_saleem I cut his hair. I don't look down. We have an understanding. 15 years of service. ✂️

iyengar_morning_jog I jog past his house every morning at 6 AM. My Fitbit registers a gravitational anomaly every single time. Heart rate spikes. Step count doubles. The watch thinks I'm running uphill. I'm on flat ground. I've complained to Apple. They don't believe me. ⌚🏃 ❤️ 8.6K · 45m Reply

electrician_guptaji The ceiling fan in his room has to work twice as hard. It's the gravitational field. I've replaced the motor 4 times this year. The electricity bill is classified. ⚡

kunal_food_critic ✓ I was at Khan Sahab's reviewing Tunday Kebabs. Panshul sat down at the next table. The chair became art. I forgot what I was eating. My review just said "5 stars. The chest. I mean the kebabs. I mean both." I need to rethink my career. 🍖⭐ ❤️ 19.2K · 30m Reply

khan_sahab_tundaykebab That chair is now behind glass. Heritage item. Customers come to sit where Panshul sat. It's a tourist attraction. See the TripAdvisor reviews. 🪑

anonymous_uae_collector Offered ₹47 Cr to acquire this as modern art for my Dubai gallery. Declined. Respect. But the offer stands. This is the Mona Lisa of mammary achievement. 🇦🇪💰 ❤️ 24.9K · 22m Reply

dubai_customs_abdullah Last time he transited through DXB I tried to charge import duty on "two additional items." My supervisor overruled me. I stand by my assessment.

biscuit_the_dog 🐕 woof woof (fallen off the chest 47 times) (will try again tonight) (it's warm up there) (worth the fall) ❤️ 89.4K · 15m Reply

newton_the_cat 🐈 *purring from the gravity well* I was named ironically. The irony is lost on no one. This chest is my personal planet.

colony_stray_dog 🐕 I follow him everywhere. The chest provides shade for my entire family. We are 7 dogs. All shaded. Thank you Panshul sir. 🙏☀️

View all 8,421 comments

June 14, 2024

😊

📸 Recent Post Captions