₹14.2 LPA
That's 1 lakh per kg — yes, we know. See the Forbes valuation.
Senior Bra Structural Engineer — Jindal Chest Division
Panshul Industries Pvt. Ltd.
+2843
2,847 Applicants applied
— including 3 structural engineers, 2 NASA employees, and 1 very confused civil engineer from Lucknow Municipal Corporation
📝 Job Description
Panshul Industries Pvt. Ltd. (PILPL) seeks a highly skilled, emotionally resilient Senior Bra Structural Engineer to lead the Jindal Chest Division. This is not a typical intimate apparel role. This is not a typical structural engineering role. This is existential crisis management with textiles.
You will be responsible for maintaining the structural integrity of the most heavily documented, scientifically studied, and gravity-defying chest in human history. Subject P.J. (codename: "The Anomaly") presents unique engineering challenges documented extensively in the IIT Moob-bay research papers:
- Mass: 14.2 kg (confirmed via IIT Moob-bay measurement protocols)
- Classification: 36DD (per Sharma Modified Thoracic Index)
- Load Factor: Category 5 (exceeds Golden Gate Bridge cable stress by 11.4%)
- Resonance Frequency: 1.18 Hz (dangerous button-launching zone)
- Thermal Expansion: 0.003mm per hook in Lucknow summers (45°C)
- Seismic Classification: 23 confirmed "Panshul events" per NASA/ISRO tracking
If you have designed bridges, you have failed. If you have designed aircraft carriers, you have failed. If you have designed something stronger, you have already worked for Irfan and we need you back.
🔧 Key Responsibilities
- Daily structural integrity assessment of 14.2 kg payload across dual-lobe configuration
- Design and maintenance of 7-hook titanium industrial brassiere systems (Irfan Series)
- Seismic resistance testing and monsoon-season structural reinforcement
- Daily "elastic elongation" measurement and documentation for Dr. Sharma's ongoing research at IIT Moob-bay
- Emergency response protocol for "Jindal Cascade" failure events (when hook #4 fails, total collapse in 0.3 seconds)
- Coordination with NASA Planetary Defense Office for gravitational monitoring (NEO-2024-PJ)
- Liaison with Victoria's Secret Legal Department regarding cease & desist notices (they keep sending them)
- Preparation of quarterly reports for UNESCO World Heritage nomination review committee
- Handling media inquiries, Netflix documentary crews, and National Geographic expeditions
- Emotional support duties for Irfan (former lead engineer) during his periodic breakdowns
🎓 Requirements
Must-Have (Non-Negotiable):
Experience with Category 5 load-bearing structures
Titanium welding certification (TIG preferred)
Seismic resistance training (Level 3+)
5+ years in industrial textile engineering OR bridge design
Emergency response certification
Gravitational anomaly detection (NASA training preferred)
Crisis counseling skills (for Irfan support)
Good-to-Have:
Kevlar composite experience
3D modeling in SolidWorks
Photography (for documentation)
Public speaking (press conferences)
Japanese language (for Narita Airport coordination)
Legal studies (Supreme Court case prep)
Wild Cards (Will Set You Apart):
Prior nervous breakdown experience (relatable to Irfan)
Published research in Mammary Dynamics
Personal knowledge of Subject P.J. (please disclose)
Mother Dairy franchise ownership
Therapy bills exceeding ₹50,000 (shows commitment)
💡 Skills
Structural Analysis
Titanium Fabrication
Mammary Dynamics (Advanced)
Seismic Engineering
Gravitational Modeling
Crisis Management
Irfan Support
7-Hook Assembly
Documentation
UNESCO Protocols
🎁 Benefits & Perks
- Salary: ₹14.2 LPA (1 lakh per kg — industry joke, please laugh)
- Gravitational Hazard Bonus: ₹50,000/quarter (paid whenever a button achieves escape velocity)
- Irfan Counseling Sessions: 100% employer-paid therapy
- Netflix Subscription: Premium (to watch your work on "The Weight of It All")
- Free Mother Dairy Products: Unlimited (our brand ambassador insists)
- Travel: Excluding all Japanese airports (permanent ban)
- Recognition: Co-author credit on Dr. Sharma's next IIT Moob-bay paper
- Legacy: Your name in the National Museum of Textile Engineering's "Irfan Series" exhibit
- Spotify Premium: Access to the official Mammary Rock playlist
⚠️ About This Job
This position has a historically high turnover rate. The previous 6 engineers have all left the industry entirely — one became a monk, two moved to remote Himalayan villages, and three simply vanished. Irfan lasted the longest at 47 days before his first breakdown. We offer generous exit counseling packages and non-disclosure agreements are mandatory. If you need inspiration, read the Medium article by our former science journalist.
Posted by Panshul Industries HR on June 14, 2024 | Job ID: PJ-ENGINEER-142
📝 Applicant Reviews & Company Ratings
From verified applicants, former employees, and one very traumatized tailor
1.4
★☆☆☆☆
out of 5.0 (142 reviews)
👩💼 HR Response — Shalini Mehta, Head of People, Panshul Industries
Thank you for your candid feedback. We want to clarify that our Glassdoor rating of 1.4 does NOT reflect employee satisfaction — it reflects the gravitational constant of the chest divided by 10. Pure coincidence. We are a Great Place to Work™ certified company (the certificate was issued under duress but it's still laminated). We take all reviews seriously except the ones from Irfan which we forward directly to his therapist.
Lead Bra Structural Engineer · Lucknow · 47 days (longest surviving employee)
★☆☆☆☆
"I Was a Sherwani Maker. A SHERWANI MAKER."
Pros: The titanium allowance is generous. Free Mother Dairy milk. Dr. Sharma is a kind man. The therapy sessions are unlimited (you WILL need them all).
Cons: The 7-hook system haunts my dreams. My wife Shabnam says I scream about underwire at 3 AM. My apprentice Munna quit on Day 3 and now works at Domino's — he says the dough doesn't fight back. I have tendered my resignation 4 times. They keep rejecting it. The chest keeps growing. I cannot. I CANNOT.
Advice to Management: Hire a bridge engineer. I make sherwanis. These are not the same thing. Please let me go. Please. I saw the Instagram post and got 200 more DMs asking for industrial bras.
Cons: The 7-hook system haunts my dreams. My wife Shabnam says I scream about underwire at 3 AM. My apprentice Munna quit on Day 3 and now works at Domino's — he says the dough doesn't fight back. I have tendered my resignation 4 times. They keep rejecting it. The chest keeps growing. I cannot. I CANNOT.
Advice to Management: Hire a bridge engineer. I make sherwanis. These are not the same thing. Please let me go. Please. I saw the Instagram post and got 200 more DMs asking for industrial bras.
Posted: June 12, 2024
847 people found this review helpful · 142 people found this review "deeply relatable"
👩💼 HR Response — Shalini Mehta
Irfan ji, your resignation has been noted and forwarded to our Retention Committee (which is just Panshul sitting in a room asking "but who will make the bras?"). We have increased your therapy sessions to 3x/week and added Shabnam ji to the family counseling plan. The underwire nightmares are covered under our new "Occupational Mammary PTSD" policy. Please come back. The monsoon is coming.
Custom Furniture Division · Lucknow · 6 months (until the chair broke)
★★☆☆☆
"I Designed a ₹2 Lakh Chair. It Lasted 6 Months."
Pros: Genuinely cutting-edge structural engineering. Used bridge specifications for a bedroom floor. Got published in three journals. My LinkedIn profile has never looked better.
Cons: The chair I designed using military-grade specifications for a single human being BROKE after 6 months. Six. Months. I've designed earthquake-resistant buildings that still stand. A chair for Panshul's chest defeated me. I now work at IKEA. The flat-pack furniture doesn't judge me.
Advice to Management: Stop calling it "furniture." It's infrastructure.
Cons: The chair I designed using military-grade specifications for a single human being BROKE after 6 months. Six. Months. I've designed earthquake-resistant buildings that still stand. A chair for Panshul's chest defeated me. I now work at IKEA. The flat-pack furniture doesn't judge me.
Advice to Management: Stop calling it "furniture." It's infrastructure.
Posted: May 28, 2024
234 people found this review helpful
NASA Planetary Defense Intern · Applied for: Gravitational Monitoring Specialist
★★★☆☆
"I Classified a Human Chest as a Near-Earth Object and My Career Hasn't Recovered"
Pros: Fascinating gravitational data. The NEO-2024-PJ tracking system I built is actually being used by real astronomers now. Got a co-author credit on Dr. Sharma's paper #14.
Cons: My supervisor at NASA hasn't spoken to me since I filed the NEO classification. The Pentagon called to ask if this was a threat. I had to explain that it's a man from Lucknow with a very large chest. They hung up. Then called back. Then hung up again.
Interview Experience: Phone screen lasted 47 minutes. 45 of those were Panshul explaining why he's suing gravity. The remaining 2 were the actual interview.
Cons: My supervisor at NASA hasn't spoken to me since I filed the NEO classification. The Pentagon called to ask if this was a threat. I had to explain that it's a man from Lucknow with a very large chest. They hung up. Then called back. Then hung up again.
Interview Experience: Phone screen lasted 47 minutes. 45 of those were Panshul explaining why he's suing gravity. The remaining 2 were the actual interview.
Posted: June 1, 2024
421 people found this review helpful
Johns Hopkins Medical School · Applied for: Chief Medical Advisor
★★★★☆
"Came for the Research Grant. Left with Existential Dread."
Pros: Unparalleled research opportunity. The IIT Moob-bay lab is world-class. Dr. Sharma's 17 papers are legitimate academic contributions. The data is real. The chest is real. Everything is unfortunately real.
Cons: I flew 14 hours from Baltimore to verify the measurements. They were accurate. I've studied medicine for 22 years and this chest defies every endocrinological model. Dr. Anand Prakash (the endocrinologist) looked me in the eyes and said "God might explain this." He has a PhD. I have a PhD. We both stared at the chest in silence for 4 minutes.
Advice to Management: The WebMD page for this condition just says "See a priest."
Cons: I flew 14 hours from Baltimore to verify the measurements. They were accurate. I've studied medicine for 22 years and this chest defies every endocrinological model. Dr. Anand Prakash (the endocrinologist) looked me in the eyes and said "God might explain this." He has a PhD. I have a PhD. We both stared at the chest in silence for 4 minutes.
Advice to Management: The WebMD page for this condition just says "See a priest."
Posted: May 15, 2024
567 people found this review helpful
👩💼 HR Response — Shalini Mehta
Dr. Chen, we appreciate your thorough review. The "existential dread" package was added to our benefits in Q2 2024 specifically because of feedback like yours. It includes a complimentary copy of "Man's Search for Meaning" and a 30-day free trial of the Calm meditation app. We hope you'll reconsider the position — your research grant application has been approved and pre-funded by the GoFundMe campaign.
Apprentice Tailor · Lucknow · Duration: Monday to Wednesday
☆☆☆☆☆
"I Now Make Pizzas at Domino's. No Regrets."
Pros: Free lunch on Day 1.
Cons: Day 1: Irfan bhai showed me the blueprint for the 7-hook system. I thought it was a suspension bridge design. It was a bra. Day 2: I touched the titanium underwire. It was heavier than my motorcycle. Day 3: I saw the chest. I walked out. I walked to the nearest Domino's. I applied. I got the job. The dough is soft. The dough is predictable. The dough doesn't require structural engineering.
Advice to Management: Please update the job listing to mention that "tailoring" means "defeating the laws of physics with a needle."
Cons: Day 1: Irfan bhai showed me the blueprint for the 7-hook system. I thought it was a suspension bridge design. It was a bra. Day 2: I touched the titanium underwire. It was heavier than my motorcycle. Day 3: I saw the chest. I walked out. I walked to the nearest Domino's. I applied. I got the job. The dough is soft. The dough is predictable. The dough doesn't require structural engineering.
Advice to Management: Please update the job listing to mention that "tailoring" means "defeating the laws of physics with a needle."
Posted: April 20, 2024
1,847 people found this review helpful · 🏆 Most helpful review of 2024
Lloyd's of London, Senior Actuary · Applied for: Risk Assessment Lead
★★☆☆☆
"We Insure Oil Tankers. This Is Harder."
Interview Experience: The interview was 3 hours. Hour 1 was standard actuarial questions. Hour 2 was them showing me photos and asking "how would you insure THIS?" Hour 3 was me crying in the bathroom. My premium estimate of £847K/year was rejected as "too conservative." They wanted £1.42M. That's more than a Boeing 747. A BOEING 747.
Rejection Reason: "Candidate showed insufficient emotional resilience when presented with Subject P.J.'s measurement data. Recommend minimum 2 years of mammary exposure therapy before reapplication."
Advice to Applicants: Bring tissues. Not for crying. For the sweat.
Rejection Reason: "Candidate showed insufficient emotional resilience when presented with Subject P.J.'s measurement data. Recommend minimum 2 years of mammary exposure therapy before reapplication."
Advice to Applicants: Bring tissues. Not for crying. For the sweat.
Posted: June 8, 2024
312 people found this review helpful
Building Infrastructure Division · Lucknow · 8 months (and counting, reluctantly)
★★★☆☆
"I Reinforced a Bedroom Floor Using Bridge Specifications."
Pros: The pay is excellent. The engineering challenge is genuinely interesting. I've never used more concrete per square meter in a residential setting. This will look incredible on my LinkedIn portfolio.
Cons: Col. Bhatia (RWA President) calls me every week about "structural vibrations." Mrs. Khurana's chandelier has fallen 3 times. The landlord Mr. Ahuja wants bridge-spec throughout the building now — "future-proofing" he calls it. Electrician Guptaji says the ceiling fan motors keep burning out from the gravitational field. I'm a building contractor, not a geophysicist.
Work-Life Balance: What balance? The chest doesn't take weekends off.
Cons: Col. Bhatia (RWA President) calls me every week about "structural vibrations." Mrs. Khurana's chandelier has fallen 3 times. The landlord Mr. Ahuja wants bridge-spec throughout the building now — "future-proofing" he calls it. Electrician Guptaji says the ceiling fan motors keep burning out from the gravitational field. I'm a building contractor, not a geophysicist.
Work-Life Balance: What balance? The chest doesn't take weekends off.
Posted: June 10, 2024
189 people found this review helpful
👩💼 HR Response — Shalini Mehta
Harish ji, the RWA situation is being handled by our legal team (Sr. Counsel Mammaswamy — and yes, his name is a cosmic coincidence, please stop asking). Mrs. Khurana's chandelier is now covered under our "Collateral Mammary Damage" insurance rider. We appreciate your continued service and have approved your request for a seismograph in the office. It was not a joke. We know.
Physical Rehabilitation Specialist · Lucknow · 3 months
★☆☆☆☆
"I Designed a 47-Step Exercise Routine. He Completed 2. Broke a Bench."
Pros: The spine mechanics are genuinely unprecedented. Dr. V.K. Gupta (orthopedic) said "his spine is doing things I've only seen in bridges" and he's right. Published two papers. Got invited to a conference.
Cons: Step 1 of the routine: light stretching. He stretched. A button launched across the room and hit the fire alarm. Step 2: bench press. The bench pressed back. I quit at Step 2. The remaining 45 steps are theoretical. Gym trainer Ravi from Cult.fit also quit on Day 1 — his chest outweighs the barbell.
Advice to Management: You don't need a physiotherapist. You need an architect.
Cons: Step 1 of the routine: light stretching. He stretched. A button launched across the room and hit the fire alarm. Step 2: bench press. The bench pressed back. I quit at Step 2. The remaining 45 steps are theoretical. Gym trainer Ravi from Cult.fit also quit on Day 1 — his chest outweighs the barbell.
Advice to Management: You don't need a physiotherapist. You need an architect.
Posted: March 30, 2024
276 people found this review helpful
Ministry of External Affairs · Applied for: Documentation Specialist
★★☆☆☆
"The Photo Booth Couldn't Fit Everything. Three Attempts."
Interview Experience: I currently process passports. Panshul's passport photo required special clearance because the standard photo booth couldn't capture the full silhouette. Three attempts. The first two looked like landscape photography. I applied to the Documentation Specialist role thinking it would be easier than government work. I was wrong. The amount of paperwork generated by this chest — 847 pages in court alone — exceeds my annual passport output.
Advice to Applicants: If you think government bureaucracy is bad, try documenting a chest that has two postal codes.
Advice to Applicants: If you think government bureaucracy is bad, try documenting a chest that has two postal codes.
Posted: May 5, 2024
143 people found this review helpful
Lactation Consultant · Contacted via hospital referral · Duration: 4 minutes
☆☆☆☆☆
"I'm Not Qualified for This."
I was called by the hospital. I was told there was a case requiring mammary expertise. I arrived. I saw. I left crying. I have 22 years of professional experience. TWENTY-TWO YEARS. None of it prepared me. My training manual covers up to DD. This is not DD. This is a geographical event. I am filing a formal complaint with the Indian Medical Association.
Will I reapply? I'd rather deliver triplets in an auto-rickshaw.
Will I reapply? I'd rather deliver triplets in an auto-rickshaw.
Posted: February 14, 2024
2,142 people found this review helpful · 😂 Top comedy review of 2024
👩💼 HR Final Note — Shalini Mehta
To all applicants and reviewers: we hear you. We've made several improvements including (1) mandatory pre-interview exposure therapy, (2) an on-site counselor named Dr. Feelings who is available 24/7, (3) a "no shame" resignation policy where you can leave at any time and we'll write you a glowing reference that simply says "survived Panshul Industries," and (4) we've partnered with the GoFundMe campaign to fund additional PTSD resources. The truth is, working here is not a job — it's a calling. A terrifying, gravitationally intense calling. We hope you'll answer it. 🙏
P.S. If Irfan is reading this — please come back. The monsoon forecast is Category 4. The current bra is rated for Category 3. We need you.
P.S. If Irfan is reading this — please come back. The monsoon forecast is Category 4. The current bra is rated for Category 3. We need you.
📋 More Open Positions at Panshul Industries
🧠 Irfan Therapy Support Specialist
🚨 URGENT
Panshul Industries — Jindal Wellness Initiative
Full-time therapist dedicated exclusively to Tailor Irfan. Duties: 3x/week counseling sessions, midnight "underwire nightmare" on-call support, mediating between Irfan and his wife Shabnam who is tired of the screaming, and occasional crisis intervention when Panshul tags him on Instagram (triggers: 200+ DMs within minutes). Must be comfortable with textile-related PTSD. The last therapist quit because Irfan brought the 7-hook blueprint to session and couldn't stop crying. Shabnam also needs couples counseling — covered under family plan.
🛰️ Gravitational Anomaly Monitoring Specialist (NEO-2024-PJ)
🔥 Trending
NASA / ISRO Joint Collaboration — Panshul Tracking Division
Monitor the gravitational signature of Subject P.J. (designation: NEO-2024-PJ) using ISRO's ASTROSAT-2 satellite array. Document all seismic events >2.0 on the Panshul Scale. Coordinate with Dr. Kenji Watanabe (Japan Meteorological Agency) to avoid false earthquake alerts — 23 confirmed "Panshul events" since 2022 have caused 3 public apologies and one diplomatic incident. Work with CERN's Dr. Mueller on Higgs-Jindal mass correlation research. Intern Jake Thompson will report to you (he's the one who classified a chest as a Near-Earth Object and hasn't been promoted since).
⚖️ Supreme Court Case Manager — Panshul v. Gravity
✅ New
Panshul Legal Services — Office of Sr. Counsel R.K. Mammaswamy
Manage the landmark case Panshul v. Gravity before Justice A.K. Boobesh (his name is a cosmic coincidence and you WILL be asked about it in every meeting). Currently 847 pages of evidence filed by Clerk Dinesh (who has developed carpal tunnel). Attorney General Krishnamurthy has argued "if we compensate for gravity, we must compensate bald men for UV radiation." Your job: prove him wrong. Process Server Manoj is still trying to serve papers to "Gravity" — assist him. Chai Wallah Bunty outside the court sold 847 cups during the last hearing; coordinate with him for catering.
🥛 Mother Dairy Brand Ambassador Coordinator
✅ New
Mother Dairy India Ltd. (Panshul Partnership Division)
Manage the "Got Panshul?" campaign across 14 cities. Coordinate between franchise head Bansal (who sees business opportunity and won't shut up about it), booth operator Bablu (who gives Panshul free milk and calls it "brand alignment"), and the corporate marketing team. Billboard design: the chest IS the billboard. Social media: manage comments from the Instagram post where Mother Dairy's official comment got 12.4K likes. SEBI Investigator Rahul may contact you about suspicious bra futures trading — it's Panshul's mom buying in bulk. Just cooperate.
📺 Netflix Documentary Production Coordinator — Season 4
🔥 Hot
Netflix India — "The Weight of It All" Production Unit
Coordinate Season 4 of Netflix's #1 most-watched documentary globally. Previous seasons: 3 seasons, 10 episodes each, rated TV-MA (Mammary Adult). Season 4 will cover the Supreme Court verdict, the UNESCO reapplication, and Irfan's 5th resignation arc. Wedding photographer Bunty (who shot BTS for Season 2 with a wide-angle lens for ONE person) will be your assistant. Must handle emotional cast members — Irfan cries on camera approximately every 14 minutes.
✈️ International Airport Liaison & Ban Management Officer
🚨 Critical
Panshul Industries — Global Mobility Division
Manage Subject P.J.'s travel logistics, which have been classified as "Level 5 Aviation Incident" by 4 countries. Narita Airport Chief Yamamoto personally wrote the 14-page ban letter — negotiate its repeal. TSA Agent Brad at LAX says he's "seen everything" but "hadn't seen this." Pilot Captain Deepak Singh once declared a false emergency when cargo weight didn't match passenger count. Air Hostess Priti's quote ("Sir, your chest is in 14B. You're in 14A.") has 847K views on Twitter. IndiGo Customer Service Archana needs backup. Dubai Customs Officer Abdullah will try to charge import duty. Japanese language skills are mandatory.
📖 Wikipedia Defense & Online Reputation Manager
✅ New
Panshul Industries — Digital Presence Division
Defend the Wikipedia article from 847+ deletion attempts (current moderator u/NeutralPedia has been called before the moderation board twice and "regrets nothing"). Manage the Reddit presence (r/panshultits has 142K members). Handle Stack Overflow gravitational pull question (legitimate physics problem, keeps getting closed as "off-topic"). Coordinate with Quora answers. GitHub user @bra-engineer-420 has submitted 14 PRs to the open-source-bra repo — all identical, all rejected — manage him.
🏘️ Resident Welfare & Neighbor Relations Specialist
Patience level: infinite
Panshul Industries — Community Harmony Division
Mediate between Subject P.J. and an increasingly hostile residential society. Col. Bhatia (RWA President, Retd) has 47 complaint signatures. Mrs. Khurana's chandelier has fallen 3 times. Landlord Ahuja charges 1.5x rent but wants 2x after the floor reinforcement. Watchman Shankar salutes the chest separately (harmless but Col. Bhatia finds it "inappropriate"). Municipal Corporation Official Tiwari is trying to classify the chest as "commercial property" for higher tax. Postman Mohan delivers two letters to the address — "one per region." Handle all of these. Daily.
🔗 Explore the Panshul Universe
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🏠 Hub · 📸 Instagram · 💼 LinkedIn · ⚖️ Supreme Court · 📺 Netflix · 🔬 Research · 🛰️ NASA · 🛒 Amazon Bra Store · 🎵 Spotify · 📖 Wikipedia · 💘 Tinder · 🏆 Guinness · 💰 GoFundMe · 📱 Reddit · 🚗 Uber · 📊 Forbes