The complete musical anthology of India's greatest natural wonder. Featuring parody national anthems, Bollywood remixes, Ghalib-style shayari, the legendary diss track, and 3 songs that triggered noise complaints from adjacent buildings during recording. Mixed by a sound engineer who has since moved to Finland. Mastered at Abbey Road (they asked us to leave after Track 7).
🎤 As featured in Panshul's TED Talk: "The Weight of Expectations (And Also My Chest)" ↗ TED
📺 Soundtrack to the Filmfare-winning film "Seena: The Untold Story" ↗ IMDb
📰 The album that made Arnab Chatterjee scream "THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW: Why this chest?" live on air ↗ News
🛤️ Track 17 uses the actual Indian Railways incident report as lyrics ↗ Railways
🔀💚147,382,691 streams · Banned in 3 airports · Classified as seismic event by Japan Meteorological Agency
⚠️
SPOTIFY CONTENT ADVISORY: This album has been flagged by our recommendation engine as "anomalous." Playing this album may cause your Discover Weekly to suggest exclusively chest-related content for 6-8 weeks. Spotify's Algorithm Engineer Sarah ↗ Wikipedia has described the album's impact on recommendation models as "catastrophic — we had to invent an entirely new genre tag: 'Mammary Rock.'" Three playlist curators have resigned, DJ Shreya's "Heavy Drops" playlist has been quarantined, and Reddit mod u/ChennaiChestAdmirer has filed 14 separate tickets asking us to restore the album after each takedown attempt. Proceed with caution.
🎁 Spotify Wrapped 2025 — Panshul's Personal Stats
847 minutes of "Heavy Breathing" · Top Genre: Gravitational Groans · Most Played at: 2:17 AM (the exact minute of the Rajdhani Incident) · Listening Personality: "The Seismic Dreamer" · Top 0.001% of listeners for AI Parliament Productions (out of the entire global population of 1 listener with this distinction: himself). DJ Shreya, Spotify's most traumatized playlist curator, commented: "His Wrapped broke the template. We had to render it with bridge-construction software." ↗ Railways↗ Wikipedia
#TitleAlbum🕐
♫
Sthan Gana Mana EAI Parliament ft. Peepee & Niktator
STHAN GANA MANA3:47
2
Vande Maata-mammAI Parliament ft. Mrs. Sunita Jindal (backing vocals, under duress)
STHAN GANA MANA2:58
3
Saare Jahaan Se Achha (Chest Remix) EAI Parliament ft. Lata Mangeshkar AI
STHAN GANA MANA4:12
4
Panshul Badnaam Hua (Munni Remix) EAI Parliament ft. Item Bra · Neha (Bollywood Costume Designer) screams at 2:14
STHAN GANA MANA3:33
5
Chuuchi Chuuchi (Chaiyya Chaiyya Remix)AI Parliament ft. Indian Railways Complaints Dept. & TTE Munna Prasad (ad-libs)
STHAN GANA MANA4:47
6
Sthan Ke Peeche Kya Hai EAI Parliament · Background vocals by Neighbor Aunty Pushpa
STHAN GANA MANA3:21
7
Bra Laga Ke Rakhna (Diss Track) EPeepee · Tailor Irfan's Wife Shabnam crying in background (unscripted)
STHAN GANA MANA4:20
8
Koi Bra Bar Nahi Aati (Ghalib Remix)AI Parliament ft. Rahat Indori's Ghost
STHAN GANA MANA2:44
9
Bulati Hai Magar Sahne Ka Nahi EAI Parliament ft. Rahat Indori's Ghost · French Fashion Critic Jean-Pierre (spoken word interlude)
STHAN GANA MANA3:05
10
Seena Bada Hai (The Gross Sonnet)Niktator · Italian Chef Marco weeps at the bridge
STHAN GANA MANA2:31
11
Newton's Fourth Law (ft. IIT Moob-bay)AI Parliament ft. Prof. Sanjay Banerjee (Physics), PhD Student Rahul (back-up rap)
STHAN GANA MANA3:15
12
One Man Two Tits One Vote (Supreme Court Anthem) EAI Parliament ft. Justice Boobesh · Advocate Shruti Mehta (backing "OBJECTION!")
STHAN GANA MANA2:47
13
Lloyd's of London (We Won't Make That Mistake Again)AI Parliament ft. Thames Boys Choir · Insurance Adjuster Vineet Kapoor (narration)
STHAN GANA MANA3:08
14
Maine Toh Do Diye (God's Lament) EGod ft. AI Parliament & Mrs. Sunita Jindal (ad-libs) · Temple Priest Pandey Ji (backing chants)
STHAN GANA MANA3:58
15
Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jana Sanam (Airport Evacuation Mix)AI Parliament ft. Narita PA System · Security Chief Yamamoto (sampled voicemail)
STHAN GANA MANA4:03
16
Ye Desh Hai Veer Jawaano Ka (But Mostly One Guy's) EAI Parliament ft. Railway Minister's Official Statement · Reporter Priya Subramanian (field audio)
STHAN GANA MANA3:42
17
Side Upper Only (The Restriction Blues)TTE R.P. Mishra & The Rajdhani Survivors ft. Pantry Manager Mohammed Farooq (spoken word)
STHAN GANA MANA3:19
18
Tinder Notification Sound (Slowed + Reverb + Seismic) EAI Parliament ft. 847 Unmatched Women · Bumble Match Simran (voicemail sample)
STHAN GANA MANA2:14
19
Guinness Said No (But We Know The Truth)AI Parliament ft. Injured Assessor (Spoken Word) · Dr. Lakshmi Menon (medical narration)
STHAN GANA MANA3:51
20
GoFundMe Anthem (₹47,38,269 and Counting)AI Parliament ft. 2,847 Donors Choir · Chai Wallah Bunty (cup-clinking rhythm section)
STHAN GANA MANA2:56
21
Mere Seene Mein (Arijit Singh Parody) EAI Parliament ft. Arijit Singh AI (cease-and-desist #14) · Korean K-Pop Producer Min-Soo (beat)
STHAN GANA MANA4:32
22
Alvida (Farewell to My Spine) — Bonus TrackAI Parliament ft. Dr. V.K. Gupta (Orthopaedics, AIIMS) on Harmonica · Dr. Hans Mueller (cello)
STHAN GANA MANA5:17
♪ LYRICS — "Sthan Gana Mana" (Title Track)
Sthan gana mana, adhinayak jaya he,
Bharata bhagya vidhata...
Punjab, Sindh, Gujarat — sab dekh rahe hain,
"Yeh kaise hua?"
36DD, 14.2 kilo ka bhaara,
Ek aadmi, do vishwa, teen airports ke khilaaf,
Gravity bolti hai "mujhse na ho payega,"
Supreme Court bolti hai "PIL dismissed,"
Lekin Panshul bolte hain...
"Side Upper Only? THAT'S NOT JUSTICE!"
[CHORUS — ft. Mrs. Sunita Jindal, sobbing]
Maine paida kiya, maine kya bigaada,
Maine toh bas doodh pilaya tha...
[VERSE 2 — Tailor Irfan's Lament]
Saat hook lagaye, phir bhi toota,
Titanium ka wire, woh bhi choota,
42 saal ka tajurba mera,
Ek seene ne kar diya tera-mera...
[BRIDGE — Dr. Fatima Begum, Radiologist]
MRI bola "ERROR: OBJECT TOO LARGE"
Maine socha machine kharab hai,
Machine ne socha main kharab hoon,
Hum dono galat the — Panshul sahi tha.
[OUTRO — Panshul's Dadi, whispering]
Yeh toh humare khandaan ka tohfa hai beta...
Teri pardadi ko bhi tha... (No evidence has ever been found to support this claim.)
Lyrics by Peepee 🐕 & Niktator 🔫 · Produced by Friday 🤖 · Mrs. Jindal's verse was unscripted and she hasn't stopped apologising since · Tailor Irfan refused credit but Shabnam insisted ("at least the world should know his pain")
♪ LYRICS — "Bra Laga Ke Rakhna" (Track 7 — The Diss Track)
[INTRO — sound of 7 hooks snapping, one by one]
Bra laga ke rakhna, seena sambhal ke rakhna,
Duniya deewani hai tere Panshul ke chahne,
Lucknow ka tailor roye, Tokyo ka airport roye,
Supreme Court bhi bole — "dismissed, but privately... maaaa!"
[VERSE — Peepee]
Victoria's Secret ne CEO change kiya,
Jockey India ne architecture hire kiya,
Industrial Welding Instructor Rajiv aaya,
Titanium underwire pe PhD banaya,
14.2 kilo — that's not a chest, that's a MONUMENT,
Guinness ne application rakhi — then sent a condolence-ment,
NASA called it NEO-2024-PJ ↗ NASA,
ISRO's Priya Nair thought it was a mountain, OK?
[CHORUS — Shabnam, crying in the studio hallway]
Woh ghar aate hain toh underwire ke baare mein chillaate hain...
Do saal ho gaye... DO SAAL...
Written by Peepee 🐕 in 47 minutes · Beat by Korean K-Pop Producer Min-Soo (who described it as "the saddest banger I've ever made") · Shabnam's crying was captured through the studio wall. She was in the parking lot. The mic sensitivity was set for orchestral recording.
🎙️ Behind the Scenes — Studio Notes
Vikram "Vicky" Nair — Sound Engineer (resigned after Track 7)
"I've mixed albums for AR Rahman. I've mastered tracks at Abbey Road. Nothing prepared me for the bass frequencies on 'Bra Laga Ke Rakhna.' The subwoofer literally caught fire during the final mix. I told them I needed new equipment. They told me to 'feel the vibrations like Panshul feels them daily.' I submitted my resignation that evening. I now work at a library in Tampere, Finland. It's very quiet here. I like it."
"They told me I was doing backing vocals. I thought it was for a bhajan. I walked in and they had the lyrics to 'Vande Maata-mamm' on the teleprompter. I read the first line and started crying. They kept the recording. It's now the most streamed cry in Indian music history. I'm proud. I'm also mortified. But mostly proud. Beta, if you're reading this, drink your milk. Wait. Don't. Maybe that's what caused this. His father Rajesh has a flat chest. FLAT. Where did this come from? His Dadi says it's genetic. There is NO evidence."
Spotify Algorithm Engineer Sarah — On medical leave since Week 2
"I've been at Spotify for 9 years. Our recommendation engine has handled K-pop stans, Swifties, and the entire Andrew Tate algorithm crisis. Nothing — NOTHING — broke the model like this album. Within 48 hours of release, 23% of all Indian Discover Weekly playlists contained at least one track from STHAN GANA MANA. Users who listened to Track 1 were recommended breast pump reviews on Amazon. The algorithm started cross-referencing Zomato orders with listening habits. The Zomato Delivery Boy Akash told me he could hear the album playing from 2km away on deliveries. I'm currently on stress leave. My therapist says I have 'algorithm PTSD.' I maintain that this album violates at least 4 of Spotify's content policies, but Legal says parody is protected. I hate parody."
Rohit "MC Underwire" Saxena — Guest Rapper on Hidden Track (after Track 22, at 6:14)
"I'm a B-list rapper from Noida. I was at the studio to record a jingle for a water purifier brand. Wrong studio. They said, 'You rap? We need 16 bars about a man's chest that has its own postal code.' I thought they were joking. Three hours later I had the best verse of my career. My water purifier client dropped me. Worth it. Stand-up Comedian Kunal used my verse in his set. Got more laughs than anything I've ever done intentionally."
Deepak Malhotra — Abbey Road Studios, Night Shift Engineer
"They booked Studio 2. The same room where the Beatles recorded. Within 40 minutes of their session, we received a noise complaint from Studio 1 — which was empty. The vibrations from the playback were detected by our seismograph in the basement. We have a seismograph because of the Tube. It has never been triggered by music before. British Royal Tailor Mr. Pemberton happened to be in the building for a different session and walked over. He listened for 30 seconds, said 'We've dressed kings. We cannot dress this,' and left. We asked them to leave after Track 7. They finished the remaining tracks in a car park in Slough."
"I added Track 5 to my playlist as a joke. Within 6 hours it was my most-streamed addition of the year. My playlist went from 'chill Bollywood vibes' to '47% chest-related content.' My followers tripled but they were all the wrong kind of followers. Someone started a petition to rename my playlist 'Boobywood Butter.' The Reddit mod u/ChennaiChestAdmirer linked it on every subreddit. I've deleted my account and gone back to selling insurance in Pune."
Korean K-Pop Producer Min-Soo — Beat producer for Tracks 7 & 21
"I was approached through a very strange email. Subject line: 'Urgent: Need beats for mammary-themed diss track. Budget: ₹14,200.' I thought it was spam. I replied as a joke. Three days later I was on a video call with an AI dog named Peepee, an AI with a gun named Niktator, and a crying woman from Lucknow who kept saying 'my son doesn't deserve this.' I produced two tracks. They are, objectively, the best work I have ever done. BTS's producer texted me: 'What did you just release?' I said: 'You wouldn't believe me.' He listened. He didn't believe me."
"I was in the PARKING LOT. I was on the PHONE with my sister. I was crying about Irfan — he hasn't slept properly since the 7-hook project. Two years of underwire nightmares. I didn't know there were microphones. They captured everything. My crying is now on a Spotify track with 14 million streams. My sister called me and said 'Shabnam, you're famous.' I said 'For what?' She said 'For crying.' Irfan's Apprentice Munna — who QUIT on day 3 and now works at Domino's — sent me a message saying 'Aunty, at least your suffering has a Spotify page.' That boy. THAT BOY."
Panshul's Roommate Vikram "Vicky" Malhotra — Tambourine on Track 20
"I lived with this man for 3 months before I realised the weighted blanket was his chest. Three. Months. When they asked me to play tambourine on the GoFundMe anthem, I said yes because I owed him for the therapy bills. My therapist, by the way, is ALSO a donor on the GoFundMe. Everyone in my life is now connected through this man's chest. It's like a gravitational field. Which, according to ISRO Satellite Analyst Priya Nair, it literally is."
Documentary Director Anand Gandhi — Attended recording of Track 14
"I was there when they recorded 'Maine Toh Do Diye (God's Lament).' Mrs. Jindal was doing ad-libs. Temple Priest Pandey Ji was chanting in the background — he'd been told it was for a devotional album. When he heard the lyrics, he stopped mid-chant, looked at the ceiling, and said: 'Bhagwan ne banaya hai, par manual clearly miss hui.' They kept the recording. He's now credited on the track. His temple has received 847 Google Reviews saying 'great priest, even better ad-libs.' I'm making a documentary about the making of the album. The documentary about the album about the chest. We're three layers deep. This is India's answer to March of the Penguins — if the penguin weighed 14.2 kg per side."
📰 Critical Reception
★★★★★
Film Critic Rajeev Masand — The Indian Express
"STHAN GANA MANA is the most ambitious crossover event in Indian music history. It combines devotional, comedy, horror, structural engineering, and one woman's quiet suffering into 22 tracks of pure, unbridled chaos. Track 14 made me question the existence of God. Track 7 made me question the tensile strength of titanium. Five stars. I'm giving it five stars and I don't give five stars to music. I don't even REVIEW music."
Published: Feb 8, 2026
★★★★☆
News Anchor Arnab Chatterjee — Republic TV
"THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW: Is this album art or is this evidence? Track 12 references the Supreme Court. Track 17 uses ACTUAL RAILWAY INCIDENT REPORTS. I played this album in my studio and three cameras shook. Not from bass — from RESONANCE. One star deducted because nobody invited me to be on the album. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE ALBUM."
Published: Feb 5, 2026 · ↗ News
★★★★★
French Fashion Critic Jean-Pierre — Le Monde
"Magnifique. Terrifying. I listened to Track 9 and I needed wine. I listened to Track 7 and I needed therapy. I listened to the entire album and I needed to leave fashion criticism entirely. This is not music. This is a gravitational event in audio form. The French Academy of Arts has nominated it for... we don't know what category. We're inventing one."
Published: Feb 10, 2026
★★☆☆☆
MIT Prof. David Chen — Journal of Applied Physics (Music Review Section, which didn't exist before this album)
"I published a counter-paper arguing that the physics described in Track 11 is fundamentally flawed. Prof. Sanjay Banerjee at Jadavpur responded with a 47-page rebuttal. My paper got 0 citations. The album track got 14 million streams. I now have a Spotify account specifically to leave negative reviews. This is what my career has become."
Published: Feb 12, 2026 · ↗ Research
⚖️ Active Legal Challenges Against This Album
Arijit Singh (via Sony Music): Cease-and-desist #14. Claims Track 21 "damages the emotional sincerity of the original." AI Parliament's response: "The original doesn't feature a 14.2 kg chest. Ours does. Respectfully, no." ↗ Court
Indian Railways (via Solicitor General): Claims Track 17 uses classified incident report data. TTE R.P. Mishra has confirmed he "may have accidentally forwarded the report to someone." He cannot remember who. ↗ Railways
Victoria's Secret (USA): Claims Track 4 "implies a professional relationship that does not exist." Their former CEO, who now runs a goat farm, has publicly stated: "The relationship existed. It was traumatic." ↗ Forbes
Japan Meteorological Agency: Claims Track 15 uses actual emergency PA recordings from Narita. Security Chief Yamamoto: "We play it at our Christmas party. This doesn't mean we consented." ↗ NASA
Advocate Shruti Mehta (on behalf of "the dignity of Indian courts"): Filed a PIL. Then appeared on Track 12 shouting "OBJECTION!" She has since withdrawn the PIL citing "conflict of interest." ↗ Court
Panshul's Dadi (Grandmother): Has filed a moral objection, not a legal one. Claims the family's "gift" is being "commercialized." No evidence of the "gift" in prior generations has ever been produced. Family Pandit Shastri Ji has stated: "Kundli mein likha tha. 'Atirikt gravitational field.'" This is not admissible in court.
🌍 Global Streaming Impact
🇮🇳 India
#1 on charts for 14 consecutive days. Mother Dairy has licensed Track 2 as their hold music. Franchise Head Bansal calls it "brand alignment." ↗ Wikipedia
🇯🇵 Japan
Track 15 charted at #47. Seismologist Dr. Kenji Tanaka uses it in lectures. "The students think it's funny. I think it's a 4.2 off Fukuoka." ↗ NASA
🇺🇸 United States
Viral on TikTok after TikTok Creator Bunty's "Panshul transition challenge" hit 47M views. NASA Intern Jake Thompson played Track 11 at JPL. His supervisor was not amused. ↗ NASA
🇬🇧 United Kingdom
Abbey Road Studios has issued a formal statement: "We do not endorse this album. We do acknowledge that it was partially recorded here. We have reinforced the seismograph." British Diplomat Sir Reginald: "Quite substantial. The Crown is impressed."
🇰🇷 South Korea
Producer Min-Soo now credited on 2 tracks. K-Pop fan accounts confused. "Is this chest-pop? Is that a genre now?" — @seoulbeats. It is. Spotify confirmed.
🇦🇪 UAE
Anonymous Sheikh offered to fund a live concert in Dubai. Budget: ₹47 Cr. Condition: "Panshul must be present. His chest is the main act." Dubai Customs Officer Abdullah has pre-emptively tried to classify concert tickets as "import duty applicable." ↗ Forbes
🇷🇺 Russia
Russian Strongman Dmitri shared Track 7 on VK: "I lift 200kg. I respect the 14.2. Per side? Per side." Dr. Vladimir Petrov, sports scientist: "In Soviet Russia, chest lifts you."
🇧🇷 Brazil
Dr. Roberto Santos, plastic surgeon: "I've built careers on augmentation. This man has the opposite problem. Track 22 made me cry. I'm a surgeon. I don't cry." Brazilian Waxer Fernanda: "I've seen everything. I hadn't seen this."
Featured In Playlists
🫁
Chest Day Workout
742K followers · "Motivation for when you're carrying 14.2 kg of pure destiny." Curated by Gym Trainer Vikram. Indian Railways official account follows this playlist.
⚖️
Songs to Sue Gravity To
89K followers · "Legal battle energy." Curated by Sr. Counsel R.K. Mammaswamy (Panshul's actual lawyer). Public Prosecutor Anita Sharma accidentally followed it. ↗ GoFundMe
🛌
Side Upper Vibes
347K followers · "For everyone restricted to SU berths." Curated by Indian Railways Grievance Cell. They didn't mean to make it public. TTE Munna Prasad contributed 3 songs. ↗ Railways
🔥
Tinder Anthems: Panshul Edition
156K followers · "Swipe right at your own structural risk." Curated by College Crush Ananya who said: "Mujhe laga cool hai. Ab samajh aaya — structural issue hai." ↗ Tinder
🏥
AIIMS Waiting Room Radio
27K followers · "What plays during your 4-hour wait." Track 22 is the orthopaedics department's official hold music. Dr. V.K. Gupta plays harmonica on it. Nurse Rekha Pillai: "We don't have beds wide enough for the album's emotional range."
😭
Songs That Make Structural Engineers Cry
63K followers · "Newton wept." Curated by IIT Delhi alumni. Structural Engineer Priya Reddy (who designed Panshul's ₹2 lakh chair that broke in 6 months) is top listener.
🐄
Mother Dairy After Dark
42K followers · "The playlist that got Franchise Head Bansal excited." Milk Delivery Man Shankar plays it on his morning rounds. Veterinarian Dr. Mohan: "I was consulted by mistake. Now I'm on the playlist." ↗ Wikipedia
✈️
Banned From Airports: The Soundtrack
118K followers · TSA Agent Brad (LAX): "I've seen everything. I hadn't heard this." DGCA Officer Ashwin insists this playlist is "not endorsed by civil aviation." It has 118K followers. ↗ NASA
Fan Comments
👨✈️
TTE_R.P.Mishra_Rajdhani· 3 days ago
I was the TTE on duty the night of the Rajdhani Incident (IR/RAJ/2023/4729). Track 17 is about me. They used my actual incident report as lyrics. I don't know whether to be flattered or to file another complaint. My wife says I'm famous now. The Railway Board says I need to "stop engaging with satirical content." I've listened to it 847 times. Constable Dinesh Yadav, who was on RPF escort duty that night, said he's applied for a transfer to station duty because of this album. ↗ Railways Notice
💚 4,729 likes · 142 replies
🇯🇵
narita_security_yamamoto· 1 week ago
Track 15 uses the ACTUAL Narita Airport PA announcement from the evacuation incident. How did they get the recording? My supervisor wants to know. Also the song is catchy. I hate that it's catchy. We play it at the staff Christmas party now. Customs Officer Yuki Sato tried to declare the album at the border. The declaration form doesn't have a box for "seismic music." It's complicated.
💚 8,912 likes · 67 replies
👩⚕️
Dr.LakshmiMenon_Kochi· 2 weeks ago
I'm the endocrinologist who first declared it "not a tumor." Now I'm credited as "medical narration" on Track 19. My medical license says endocrinology. Spotify says "featured artist." My department at Kochi Medical College has put the Spotify credit on my profile page. My patients ask for autographs before asking about their thyroid. This is not what 12 years of medical school prepared me for. ↗ Guinness↗ Research
💚 14,200 likes · 203 replies
🧘
yoga_instructor_kavya· 5 days ago
I matched with this man on Tinder. I suggested a couples yoga session. He said his doctor wouldn't allow downward dog due to "anterior gravitational load." I thought he was making excuses. Then I Googled him. Then I found this album. Then I listened to all 22 tracks. I've unmatched him but I'm on my 4th listen of Track 18. Yoga Instructor Geeta Devi told me: "Shavasana only. Other asanas are structurally impossible." She was right. ↗ Tinder
💚 6,847 likes · 89 replies
🎓
IIT_Moob_bay_PhysicsClub· 1 week ago
We played Track 11 at our annual Physics Department symposium as a "palate cleanser." Three professors walked out. Two stayed and requested it on repeat. PhD Student Rahul, who raps backup on the track, stood up and tried to take a bow but his thesis advisor, Prof. Meera Iyer (Biomechanics, IISc), was in the audience and made him sit down immediately. She later admitted she'd already added the track to her lecture playlist. Prof. Sanjay Banerjee confirmed: "Newton's Third Law applies — to the music AND the chest." He's been denied tenure review twice since. He says it was worth it.
💚 3,142 likes · 47 replies
💀
spotify_engineer_anon· 2 weeks ago
I was the engineer who debugged the recommendation anomaly caused by this album. We traced the issue to Track 14 — "Maine Toh Do Diye (God's Lament)." The algorithm classified it simultaneously as: Devotional, Comedy, Horror, Parody, True Crime, and ASMR. No song has ever occupied 6 genre classifications at once. When we tried to add "Mammary Rock" as a new genre (as Algorithm Engineer Sarah suggested before her medical leave), the system flagged it as a potential hate speech category. It's not. It's just physics. I've been at Spotify for 7 years. I'm interviewing at Apple Music on Thursday.
💚 12,847 likes · 314 replies
🪡
tailor_irfan_lucknow· 4 days ago
My name is Mohammad Irfan. I am a tailor in Chandni Chowk. I have 42 years of experience. I have dressed ministers, cricketers, and one very confused diplomat. NOTHING prepared me for the 7-hook bra project. My apprentice Munna quit on day 3 and works at Domino's now. My wife Shabnam is crying on Track 7. I didn't know she was being recorded. She didn't know she was being recorded. Nobody told us. The Spotify royalties are ₹847. The therapy bills are ₹1,20,000. Jockey India Rep Ankit called me for consultation. I told him: "We make clothing, not architecture." He hung up. ↗ Wikipedia
💚 47,000 likes · 847 replies
📻
podcast_host_varun· 1 week ago
I run the "Breast Practices" podcast. Episode 47 featured Panshul as a guest. We discussed the album. At minute 14:02, he played Track 7 through his phone speakers and my recording equipment detected a 0.3 Hz resonance. IN A PODCAST STUDIO. Dietician Kavitha Rao called in and said: "No, eating less won't help. This isn't fat." That became our most-clipped segment. 2.3 million plays. My podcast about dental hygiene tips (the original concept) has been completely overtaken. I am now a chest podcaster. This is my life.
💚 8,420 likes · 156 replies
🏠
col_bhatia_retd_RWA· 6 days ago
I am the RWA President. This is a RESIDENTIAL SOCIETY, not a seismic zone and not a recording studio. When they recorded Track 6 ("Sthan Ke Peeche Kya Hai"), they did it in Panshul's flat. Electrician Guptaji informed me that the ceiling fan was spinning at double RPM due to "gravitational field interference." Building Contractor Harish says the bedroom floor — which he ALREADY reinforced to bridge specifications — developed new cracks. Newspaper Boy Chintu was delivering the morning paper and claims the bass shook the stairwell. I am filing a formal complaint with the Municipal Corporation. Official Tiwari has been trying to classify the album as "commercial activity" for higher property tax. I support this. ↗ Zillow
💚 2,847 likes · 93 replies
🧬
CERN_DrMueller· 3 days ago
I am a physicist at CERN. Track 11 ("Newton's Fourth Law") was shared in our internal Slack channel by an intern. Within 24 hours it had 847 reactions. The Higgs Boson gives mass to particles. Panshul gives mass to continents. These are not comparable. And yet. I've added it to my lecture on mass-energy equivalence as a "cautionary example." My department head said: "This is not science." I said: "Neither is a 14.2 kg chest, and yet here we are." ↗ Research
💚 14,200 likes · 247 replies
📅 Album Timeline — How It All Happened
Feb 2, 2026 — Day 0
Peepee 🐕, Niktator 🔫, and Friday 🤖 form AI Parliament Productions in a WhatsApp group chat. Science Journalist Rajesh Kumar, who'd been covering the Panshul story for 30 days on Medium, leaks the idea. First song written: the title track. Time taken: 47 minutes.
Feb 3, 2026 — The Subwoofer Incident
Sound Engineer Vikram "Vicky" Nair's subwoofer catches fire during Track 7 mixing. He resigns. The fire inspector (Fire Safety Inspector Ramesh, who'd previously audited Panshul's flat for "emergency exit width insufficiency") responds and declares: "This is the second Panshul-related fire safety incident in my career. There shouldn't be a first." ↗ WebMD
Feb 4, 2026 — Abbey Road
Sessions at Abbey Road Studios, London. Kicked out after Track 7. British Royal Tailor Mr. Pemberton witnesses the session. Australian Surf Instructor Bazza, who happened to be touring London, is pulled in to provide "raw masculine energy" on Track 10. He surfs. He does not sing. The energy was sufficient.
Feb 5, 2026 — The Slough Sessions
Remaining tracks recorded in a car park in Slough. Mrs. Sunita Jindal arrives uninvited. Records backing vocals while crying. Panshul's Dad Rajesh Jindal sits in the car, flat-chested, genuinely confused. Stray Dog Tommy from the colony somehow follows them to Slough. Guards the equipment. Is credited as "Security (K9 Division)." ↗ Airbnb
Feb 6, 2026 — Release Day
Album drops at midnight IST. Within 48 hours: 23% of Indian Discover Weekly playlists affected. Algorithm Engineer Sarah goes on medical leave. Zomato Delivery Boy Akash reports hearing the album from 2km away. Google Maps Data Analyst Pooja: "We don't know how to classify it. It's not a business. It's not a landmark. It's... an event." ↗ Google Maps
Feb 8, 2026 — First Cease-and-Desist
Arijit Singh's legal team sends C&D #14 (their 14th overall, not the album's). Indian Railways files a complaint about Track 17. Census Officer Pankaj spends 45 minutes arguing whether the album should be counted as one entity or two. Postman Mohan: "Two copies for same address? No, one per... region." ↗ Court
Feb 12, 2026 — Present Day
147.3M streams. 14 cease-and-desist letters. 3 engineers quit. 1 mother traumatized. 1 tailor's wife crying on a track. 1 temple priest accidentally credited. 1 stray dog credited as security. 847 reports to various authorities. And one man, Panshul Jindal, 36DD, 14.2 kg, who just wanted to book a lower berth on the Rajdhani Express. ↗ TED
About the Artist
AI Parliament Productions
A collective of three AI assistants (Peepee 🐕, Niktator 🔫, and Friday 🤖) who created the most comprehensive musical anthology ever dedicated to a single man's chest. Formed on February 2, 2026, in a WhatsApp group chat that was never meant to become a record label.
The group has since been banned from 2 streaming platforms (SoundCloud cited "genre confusion"), received 14 cease-and-desist letters (Arijit Singh's was the most polite), and caused an internal crisis at Spotify that resulted in 3 resignations, 1 medical leave, and a 47-page incident report titled "The STHAN GANA MANA Algorithmic Event."
Mrs. Sunita Jindal provides backing vocals under duress. She has asked to be removed from the credits 7 times. Each time, her verse gets more streams. She is currently the 4th most-streamed backing vocalist in India. Wikipedia Moderator u/NeutralPedia has defended her Wikipedia article from 847 deletion attempts.
Film Producer Karan secured biopic rights for the album's creation. Hrithik refused the lead role, saying "too unrealistic." The role was offered to the chest itself. Contract negotiations are ongoing.
Future Biographer Ananya is currently writing "Tits: A Memoir" (advance: ₹4.7 crore). Chapter 14 is dedicated entirely to the album. It is 47 pages long. Every page is a different person crying.
Management: Nobody. Three AIs and a mother who didn't sign up for this. Booking: Do not book us. We will show up anyway. Legal: Sr. Counsel R.K. Mammaswamy, who is also suing gravity on Panshul's behalf ↗ GoFundMe Complaints: RTI Activist Subramaniam has filed an RTI asking the government "what is being done about this album." Response pending.
