Main toh bas snowboarding karne aaya tha...

📍 Undisclosed Ski Resort

We have updated our seismic monitoring protocols to account for "Jindal-class events." This explains 47 anomalous readings from the Jaipur region in 2024.

Our detection algorithms were not trained for this scenario. We are adapting.

#NippOnEvent

Replying to @USGS

As Japan's chief seismologist, I can confirm we have tracked 23 "Panshul events" since 2022. Last week's Narita incident was a 4.7 on our modified Jindal-Richter scale.

We are proposing a new SI unit: 1 Panshul = the seismic force of a 14.2 kg chest descending one staircase.

#NippOnEvent #SeismicScience

Terminal 2 at Narita International Airport has reopened following a false seismic alert. Enhanced screening protocols are now in place.

"We have the technology to detect earthquakes. We do not have the technology to detect Panshul Jindal."

— Security Chief Yamamoto

#NippOnEvent

BREAKING: I've been covering the "Panshul beat" at Times of India for 3 years. Today I learned my beat has its own Reuters ticker symbol (PNSH.TITS).

My editor wants a 10,000-word longform. I told him the subject alone is 10,000 words wide.

Also: BSE Innerwear Index just hit historic low. Full market data here →

#NippOnEvent #BraIndustryCrash

We stand by our decision to decline measurement.

#NippOnEvent

Replying to @VictoriasSecret

His photo is on our "DO NOT MEASURE" wall since 2023. Simran from our fitting room is still on medical leave.

Solidarity. ✊

#NippOnEvent

DMs are open, Mr. Jindal. 🥛

3.7 litres per day is commercially viable output. We see a distribution partnership opportunity.

Renewable. Organic. Local.

#NippOnEvent #MakeInIndia

Replying to @MotherDairy

Main already free doodh deta hoon unko. Brand alignment.

Corporate HQ contact karo, mera booth franchise ban sakta hai.

#NippOnEvent

Bhai ne Japan ko hila diya. Literally.

Confidence dekho — bra pehen ke snowboarding. Main toh shirt utaarne se pehle sochta hoon.

This man is living in 2045 while we're stuck in 2026.

#NippOnEvent #Sthanmugam #Legend

For the record, re: PIL No. 2024/SC/8847 (Panshul v. Gravity):

"Gravity is a fundamental force. It cannot be sued. We sympathise, but physics is physics."

Dismissed.

Re: Census Bureau Controversy 2025:
"One man, two tits, one vote."

Full judgment: panshul-tits.pages.dev/court

#NippOnEvent

My client's constitutional rights have been dismissed, but the fight continues.

Filing review petition Monday. Article 21 includes the right to live without 278.32 Newtons of gravitational oppression on your thoracic region.

Irfan ke bra ko constitutional protection milni chahiye. It's a fundamental garment.

Cc: @GoldmanSachs — your "Jindal Factor" report is Annexure P-47 in our next filing.

#NippOnEvent #PanshulVGravity

Our Mumbai desk's October 2025 research note — "Panshul's Chest: A Macro-Economic Risk Factor for South Asian Textile Markets" — has proven prescient.

₹4.7 crore in annual bra industry losses. We maintain our SELL rating on Indian innerwear stocks.

Live market data: panshul-tits.pages.dev/stocks

#NippOnEvent

UPDATE: Investigator Rahul confirms investigation into abnormal bra futures trading.

Suspicious bulk purchases of industrial underwire traced to... Sunita Jindal, New Delhi.

Ma'am, buying 847 bras in advance is not "just being a good mother." It's insider information.

#NippOnEvent #SEBIInvestigation

We insured the Titanic. We will not make that mistake again.

#NippOnEvent

Replying to @LlsofLondon

I was assigned the Jindal case. I insure oil tankers for a living. Oil tankers are simpler.

The actuarial tables don't go this far. We had to hire a structural engineer just to assess the claim form.

I'm requesting a transfer to the hurricane desk. Hurricanes make more sense.

#NippOnEvent

Honorary citizenship still available, Mr. Jindal.

We see great synergy between our national name (Nipp-al) and your... assets.

🇳🇵 Visit Nepal. We understand you.

#NippOnEvent #VisitNepal

THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW:

WHY does this man have a chest that can trigger seismic alerts in THREE countries?

WHY has the government done NOTHING?

WHY is Mother Dairy offering franchise deals instead of ANSWERS?

TONIGHT AT 9 — Panshul Jindal EXCLUSIVE. Bring your widescreen TV. Trust me.

#NippOnEvent #TheNationWantsToKnow

Our satellite imagery team has confirmed that a previously unidentified landmass in the Rajasthan region is, in fact, not a landmass.

We have updated our cartographic databases accordingly.

Object NEO-2024-PJ remains under observation by Intern Jake Thompson.

#NippOnEvent

Replying to @NASA

ASTROSAT-2 detected it first. We thought it was a mountain forming in real-time.

Then it moved. Mountains don't move.

Our Chandrayaan team wants to know if the chest has its own orbit. We're running calculations.

See also: He has a Google Maps listing now

#NippOnEvent #ISROvsNASA

Maine toh do diye — ab yeh kare restart.

#NippOnEvent #MyBad

Replying to @god

Kundli mein likha tha. "Atirikt gravitational field." I told the family in 1998.

Nobody listened to the pandit. As usual.

#NippOnEvent #JyotishWasRight

Our peer-reviewed paper predicted this. Vol. 69, Issue 2.

Newton's Fourth Law: "For every Panshul bounce, there is an unequal and disproportionate reaction in all nearby structures."

F = F_bounce × 72,000

The math checks out. The airport didn't.

📄 Read the full paper

#NippOnEvent #NewtonsFourthLaw

Replying to @IITMoobbay

The Higgs Boson gives mass to particles. Panshul gives mass to continents.

We ran the Large Hadron Collider simulation. It crashed. Not the software — the simulation itself formed a chest and refused to collapse.

Publishing results next month. If the journal survives.

#NippOnEvent #ParticlePhysics

Sir, we have reviewed your complaint ticket #JI-2024-8847.

Unfortunately, "my tits are too powerful for your product" does not qualify for a refund under our warranty policy.

We wish you well in your future endeavours.

#NippOnEvent

Replying to @JockeyIndia

I was on that ticket. We make underwear, not architecture.

His warranty claim included a structural engineer's report. A STRUCTURAL ENGINEER'S REPORT. For underwear.

I've been in textiles for 15 years. I'm switching to concrete.

#NippOnEvent

Episode 47 just dropped. Guest: PANSHUL JINDAL.

Key moments:
🎙️ 00:14 — "The bra is a lifestyle, not a garment"
🎙️ 12:42 — "Irfan cries sometimes. I don't judge him."
🎙️ 34:07 — "Mother Dairy DM'd me before my own mother called"
🎙️ 47:00 — [sound of chair breaking]

Link in bio. Your Spotify algorithm will never recover.

#NippOnEvent #BreastPractices

Everyone asking me to comment. Fine.

I loved Panshul for who he is. But the gravitational pull was suffocating. Literally. I couldn't breathe when we hugged.

My therapist says I have "proximity-induced claustrophobia." My new boyfriend is flat-chested. It's bliss.

But I still follow his Airbnb listing. For closure.

#NippOnEvent

My husband Irfan wakes up screaming about underwire. It's been 2 YEARS.

Last night he shouted "THE SEVENTH HOOK WON'T HOLD" in his sleep. Our children are scared.

But the open-source-bra GitHub just crossed 14,200 stars, so I guess it's fine. We're fine. Everything is fine.

#NippOnEvent #TailorWife

For the record:

This is a RESIDENTIAL SOCIETY. Not a seismic zone. Not a tourist attraction. Not a Google Maps listing.

Mrs. Khurana filed 14 complaints about "structural vibrations." Watchman Shankar salutes the chest separately every morning. Newspaper boy Chintu aims his papers at it from 20 meters.

This is NOT NORMAL.

Emergency RWA meeting tomorrow. @PanshulJindal attendance MANDATORY.

#NippOnEvent

Biopic rights SECURED. 📝

Working title: "SEENA: The Untold Story"

Hrithik refused. Said "too unrealistic."
Ranveer said "even I can't fill those."
Prabhas said "call me when you have the budget for CGI."

Ananya's already writing the memoir. Advance: ₹4.7 crore. Same as the annual bra industry loss. Coincidence? No.

#NippOnEvent #Bollywood

Panshulese course update:

📈 14.2M downloads
👤 1 native speaker
📝 Key phrase: "Bhai, mera seatbelt extend nahi ho raha"

Lesson 47: Ordering a bra in 7 languages. Lesson 48: Apologizing to airport security in 12.

#NippOnEvent

So this guy walks into a bar... and the bar files for structural bankruptcy.

I wrote a whole set about #NippOnEvent. My manager said "too niche." 2.3 MILLION posts say otherwise.

New special dropping next week. Title: "Mammary Lane."

Netflix if you're reading this — call me. You'll need the widescreen format anyway.

#NippOnEvent

"Panshul transition challenge" — 47 MILLION views 🤯

POV: You're a measuring tape and Panshul walks in

[measuring tape disintegrates]

#NippOnEvent #TransitionChallenge

Filed RTI #2026/RTI/4847 asking the Government of India: "What is being done about this chest?"

Response received: "The matter is sub-judice."

WHAT MATTER? THE COURT DISMISSED IT. @sci_official

Filing appeal. The nation deserves transparency. All 28.4 kg of it.

#NippOnEvent #RTI

We generated 500+ nicknames in 3 hours. Hall of Fame Top 3:

🏆 Sthanmugam
🥈 Doctor Sthan-ge
🥉 Nipp-al

Full Wikipedia article: panshul-tits.pages.dev/wikipedia
Forbes profile: panshul-tits.pages.dev/forbes
Court ruling: panshul-tits.pages.dev/court
Google Maps: panshul-tits.pages.dev/maps
GitHub repo: panshul-tits.pages.dev/github
Airbnb listing: panshul-tits.pages.dev/airbnb
TripAdvisor: panshul-tits.pages.dev/tripadvisor
Market crash: panshul-tits.pages.dev/stocks

The internet is forever. 🐕🔫

#NippOnEvent #Sthanmugam #DoctorSthange

His Bumble profile said "6 feet tall." It didn't mention the other dimensions. 😭

We met for coffee. His chest arrived 5 minutes before the rest of him. I thought it was a separate person.

Still matched tho. The gravitational pull is real. In every sense.

#NippOnEvent #BumbleDisasters

I've defended the Panshul Jindal Wikipedia article from 847 deletion attempts.

847.

The article about the Eiffel Tower has had 3.

Today I got 47 new deletion requests. I approved 0. The article stays. The TripAdvisor reviews are cited as secondary sources. Fight me.

#NippOnEvent #WikipediaWars