How to calculate gravitational pull of 14.2kg chest mass at sea level?

Asked 6 months ago Modified 2 days ago Viewed 2,847,103 times

🔒 CLOSED → REOPENED → CLOSED → REOPENED → CURRENTLY OPEN (The Saga)

This question has been closed as duplicate of "How to model black holes in Python?" 4 times and reopened 4 times by moderator mammary_mod_supreme.

Close voters: cosmic_pedant (247k rep), structuralTroll_99 (89k rep), karen_from_physics (54k rep)

Reopen voters: dr_quantum_field (142k rep), bridge_builder_raj (89k rep), prof_meera_iisc (76k rep), jpl_intern_2024 (3.4k rep), seismologist_watanabe (41k rep)

Moderator Note (mammary_mod_supreme ♦): "I am tired. This question is about gravitational anomalies in the male thoracic region. The black hole question is about collapsed stars. Yes, mathematically similar. No, not the same thing. One exists in a galaxy far away. The other exists in Lucknow and has an Instagram with 847K followers. The next person who votes to close this will be suspended for 14.2 days. This is not a threat. This is structural engineering."

847

🔖

I'm working on a physics simulation and I need to model the gravitational effects of a concentrated 14.2 kg mass located in the anterior thoracic region of a human male (let's call him "P.J." for anonymity purposes that will absolutely not hold up).

The mass is distributed across two approximately hemispherical volumes, each with a radius of roughly 14.7 cm, measured at sea level in Lucknow, India (elevation: 123m). Classification: 36DD per the IIT Moob-bay Modified Thoracic Index (Sharma et al., 2024).

I need to calculate:

The gravitational force exerted by this mass on nearby objects (specifically, shirt buttons within a 30cm radius)
The structural load on a 7-hook industrial brassiere assuming standard titanium-reinforced clasps
Whether this mass qualifies as a Near-Earth Object under NASA's Planetary Defense protocols
The seismic impact when the subject jogs (as documented by Dr. Kenji Watanabe's 23 "Panshul events")

USGS seismic cartoon — It's not an earthquake, it's the Jindal boy jogging again

Relevant: This USGS cartoon has been circulating in our lab since Seismologist Dr. Kenji Watanabe published his findings. Our seismograph API keeps returning false positives near Lucknow. — panshul_the_legend

My current code throws an OverflowError because the mass-to-surface-area ratio exceeds float64 limits:

import numpy as np
from scipy.constants import G

# Jindal Thoracic Parameters (peer-reviewed, Sharma et al. 2024)
chest_mass = 14.2  # kg — yes, really
radius_per_unit = 0.147  # meters per hemisphere
num_units = 2  # God was feeling generous

# Calculate gravitational force on shirt button (mass: 2g) at 30cm
button_mass = 0.002  # kg
distance = 0.30  # meters

F = G * (chest_mass * button_mass) / distance**2
print(f"Gravitational force on button: {F} N")
# Output: 2.11e-11 N
# But empirically, buttons fly off at 47 m/s
# There's clearly an unknown force at play

# The Jindal Anomaly — conventional physics breaks down
def jindal_force(m1, m2, r):
    # Standard gravitational model fails for the Jindal configuration
    # Using modified Sharma-Irfan constant (empirically derived)
    SHARMA_IRFAN_CONSTANT = 6.674e-11 * 14.2  # modified G
    return SHARMA_IRFAN_CONSTANT * (m1 * m2) / r**2
    # Still doesn't explain the button velocity
    # I think we need a new branch of physics
        

The issue is that empirical observations (documented by Irfan, master tailor of Lucknow, who has lost 14 tape measures to this phenomenon) show forces orders of magnitude greater than Newtonian predictions.

Has anyone dealt with gravitational anomalies of this… magnitude? Specifically in the context of male anterior thoracic mass exceeding 10kg?

Note: Before anyone suggests "just use a bigger bra" — we tried. Victoria's Secret R&D department shut down their calculator after it returned NaN. Irfan is on his 4th nervous breakdown. Dietician Kavitha Rao has already confirmed: "No, eating less won't help. This isn't fat." Optometrist Rahul Verma noted: "Your peripheral vision is blocked by... yourself?"

asked Jun 15, 2024 at 14:22

panshul_the_legend

14,200 reputation

2 36 DD

342 Have you tried turning the chest off and on again? – stackoverflow_karen

289 I'm voting to close this as "Too Broad." Literally. – mod_jennifer

156 This is not a physics question, this is a cry for help. – helpful_physicist

98 Irfan here. Please stop tagging me in things. I've moved to a different city. – irfan_tailor_lucknow

134 I'm Dr. Malini Sundaram, his childhood pediatrician. I've been watching this chest since age 8. The signs were there. I tried to warn the school. PE Teacher Saxena Sir resigned. I was not surprised. – dr_malini_peds

87 Gym Trainer Vikram here. "Bench press? Sir, you ARE the bench press." I quit on Day 1. – vikram_cultfit

73 As a Zara Store Manager, I can confirm Panshul's photo is on our "DO NOT MEASURE" wall. — kavita_zara

📺 Related Media: This question was featured in the Netflix documentary "The Weight of It All" Season 2, Episode 3. The Stack Overflow thread appears on screen during the "scientific community reacts" montage.

📰 Long Read: For the full immersive experience, see "I Spent 30 Days Living Under Panshul Jindal's Left Breast" on Medium.

8 Answers Sorted by: Votes

✓ Accepted Answer

623

PhD in Theoretical Physics here (MIT, not IIT Moob-bay — though I've read all 17 papers, and I need therapy now). I consulted with Prof. Sanjay Banerjee at Jadavpur University, who confirmed Newton's Third Law applies to this configuration.

Your Newtonian model is correct but incomplete. The "Jindal Anomaly" requires accounting for three additional forces not present in standard gravitational calculations:

1. Standard Gravitational Force

F_gravity = G × (m_chest × m_button) / r²
F_gravity = 6.674×10⁻¹¹ × (14.2 × 0.002) / 0.30²
F_gravity = 2.11 × 10⁻¹¹ N

2. The Sharma-Irfan Elastic Recoil Force (fabric tension under extreme load)

F_recoil = k_bra × Δx × sin(θ_droop)
where k_bra = 847 N/m (7-hook titanium, empirically measured by Irfan before his 3rd breakdown)
Δx = 0.23 m (maximum elongation before clasp failure)
θ_droop = 34.7° (the "Jindal Angle," now a standard in structural engineering textbooks)
F_recoil = 110.8 N — this is what launches the buttons

3. The Pendulum Resonance Harmonic (oscillatory motion during walking)

T = 2π√(L/g) where L = 0.18m (effective pendulum length)
T = 0.85 seconds
At resonance frequency (1.18 Hz), button detachment probability approaches 1.0

The complete model:

def jindal_complete_force_model(chest_mass, button_mass, r, bra_k, droop_angle, walking_freq):
    """
    Complete Jindal Thoracic Force Model (JTFM v3.2)
    Peer-reviewed by IIT Moob-bay Department of Applied Mammary Physics
    Additional review by Prof. Meera Iyer (IISc, Biomechanics)
    """
    import numpy as np
    from scipy.constants import G, g
    
    # Component 1: Gravitational (negligible but we include for completeness)
    F_grav = G * chest_mass * button_mass / r**2
    
    # Component 2: Elastic recoil (the button killer)
    delta_x = chest_mass * g / bra_k  # static elongation
    F_recoil = bra_k * delta_x * np.sin(np.radians(droop_angle))
    
    # Component 3: Resonance amplification
    natural_freq = 1 / (2 * np.pi * np.sqrt(0.18 / g))
    Q_factor = 1 / abs(1 - (walking_freq / natural_freq)**2)
    F_resonance = F_recoil * min(Q_factor, 14.2)  # capped at the Jindal Constant
    
    # Component 4: Seismic contribution (Watanabe Model, 2024)
    # Dr. Kenji Watanabe tracked 23 "Panshul events" since 2022
    seismic_magnitude = np.log10(F_resonance) + 1.5
    
    return {
        'gravitational': F_grav,
        'elastic_recoil': F_recoil,
        'resonance_amplified': F_resonance,
        'total': F_grav + F_recoil + F_resonance,
        'button_survival_probability': max(0, 1 - F_resonance / 50),
        'irfan_despair_index': F_resonance / 10,  # dimensionless, sadly
        'watanabe_seismic_rating': seismic_magnitude,
        'shabnam_nightmare_probability': min(1.0, F_resonance / 100)
    }

result = jindal_complete_force_model(
    chest_mass=14.2, button_mass=0.002, r=0.30,
    bra_k=847, droop_angle=34.7, walking_freq=1.1
)
print(result)
# {'gravitational': 2.11e-11, 'elastic_recoil': 93.4,
#  'resonance_amplified': 847.2, 'total': 940.6,
#  'button_survival_probability': 0.0,
#  'irfan_despair_index': 84.72,
#  'watanabe_seismic_rating': 4.43,
#  'shabnam_nightmare_probability': 1.0}
          

Button survival probability: 0.0%. Shabnam nightmare probability: 1.0 (100%). This is consistent with field observations and Irfan's wife's testimony.

TL;DR: Gravity isn't your problem. The elastic energy stored in a 7-hook titanium brassiere supporting 14.2 kg, amplified by walking resonance, generates forces in the kiloNewton range. Buttons don't stand a chance. Neither did Irfan.

answered Jun 15, 2024 at 16:45

dr_quantum_field

142,000 reputation

14 142 847

89 "irfan_despair_index" 💀 – python_dev_42

67 I'm literally an IIT Moob-bay faculty member and this answer is better than anything we've published. I'm retiring. – prof_sharma_official

112 "shabnam_nightmare_probability: 1.0" — I am Shabnam. This is accurate. He still screams about underwire at 3 AM. — shabnam_irfan_wife

54 Prof. Meera Iyer (IISc) here. I designed the reinforced sports bra variant. This model correctly accounts for my titanium stress calculations. Validated. — prof_meera_iisc

456

Structural engineer here. 20 years designing bridges, skyscrapers, and offshore platforms. This question made me question my entire career.

I have designed bridges weaker than this.

Let me put this in structural engineering terms. I consulted with Building Contractor Harish, who reinforced Panshul's bedroom floor using bridge specifications, and Structural Engineer Priya Reddy, who designed Panshul's custom chair (cost ₹2 lakhs, broke in 6 months):

// Structural Load Comparison Table
// All values in kN/m²

Golden Gate Bridge suspension cable:    128.0 kN/m²
Panshul's bra strap (left):            142.7 kN/m²  // EXCEEDS BRIDGE CABLE
Panshul's bra strap (right):           139.3 kN/m²  // slight asymmetry (Paper #12)
Tokyo Skytree foundation:              245.0 kN/m²
Panshul's bra band (7-hook titanium):  267.4 kN/m²  // EXCEEDS SKYTREE
Howrah Bridge anchor bolts:            310.0 kN/m²
Panshul's clasp mechanism:             324.6 kN/m²  // EXCEEDS HOWRAH
          

The 7-hook industrial bra designed by Irfan operates under load conditions that would require a Category 5 structural permit. I've reviewed the blueprints (yes, there are blueprints — Irfan had to file them with the Lucknow Municipal Corporation's Department of Heavy Infrastructure). Municipal Corporation Official Tiwari tried to classify the bra as "commercial property" for higher tax.

Fire Safety Inspector Ramesh has confirmed: "Emergency exit width insufficient for subject." Railway TTE Munna Prasad noted: "Upper berth occupants filed complaints. The bounce."

"The clasp mechanism alone has more tensile strength than the anchor bolts on the Howrah Bridge." — My professional assessment, which I will include in my resignation letter.

Key structural concerns:

Dynamic loading: During walking, the oscillating mass creates cyclic fatigue loading equivalent to a magnitude 3.1 earthquake every 0.85 seconds
Thermal expansion: In Lucknow summers (45°C), the titanium hooks expand by 0.003mm, which over 7 hooks creates a cumulative weakness that Irfan compensates for with a proprietary "monsoon setting"
Point failure cascade: If hook #4 fails (the critical load-bearing hook), the remaining 6 hooks experience a sudden 16.7% load increase, triggering what we call "The Jindal Cascade" — total structural failure in 0.3 seconds
Seismic resonance: Col. Bhatia (Retd), the RWA President, has submitted 14 formal complaints about "structural vibrations." Neighbor Mrs. Khurana filed an RWA complaint about "structural vibrations from next door." These are real engineering events.

I'm recommending Panshul's bra be reclassified from "garment" to "critical infrastructure" under the National Building Code of India. Electrician Guptaji has confirmed: "The ceiling fan in his room has to work twice as hard. It's the gravitational field."

answered Jun 16, 2024 at 09:12

bridge_builder_raj

89,400 reputation

8 92 341

203 "reclassified from garment to critical infrastructure" is the funniest thing I've read on this site in 15 years – joel_spolsky

78 As a Lucknow Municipal Corporation employee, I can confirm we have a file. It's in the "Heavy Infrastructure" cabinet between "Flyovers" and "Dams." – lmc_official

91 Industrial Welding Instructor Rajiv here. I was consulted for the titanium underwire. Can confirm — "This isn't fashion. This is engineering." Proud to have contributed. – rajiv_welder

45 Landlord here (Mr. Ahuja). I charge 1.5x rent. "Heavy objects need heavy deposits." This thread validates my pricing. – ahuja_landlord

387

Victoria's Secret software engineer here (throwaway account, I'll be fired for this). Our former CEO resigned after "The Measurement Incident." She runs a goat farm now.

Our size calculator returns NaN. Not because of a bug. Because it was never designed for this. Nobody designed anything for this.

Here's what actually happens in our codebase when you input Panshul's measurements:

// victoria_secret_size_calc.js (internal, DO NOT SHARE)
// Last modified: 2024-06-14 after "The Jindal Incident"

function calculateBraSize(bandSize, bustMeasurement) {
    const diff = bustMeasurement - bandSize;
    
    // Standard lookup table
    const cupSizes = ['AA', 'A', 'B', 'C', 'D', 'DD', 'E', 'F'];
    
    // THE JINDAL CHECK — added 2024-06-14 after production incident #PJ-001
    if (diff > 20 || bustMeasurement > 200) {
        console.error('[JINDAL_PROTOCOL] Measurement exceeds known human parameters');
        console.error('[JINDAL_PROTOCOL] Alerting structural engineering team');
        console.error('[JINDAL_PROTOCOL] Notifying legal department');
        console.error('[JINDAL_PROTOCOL] Paging H&M Fitting Room Attendant Simran');
        return NaN;  // Not a Number. Not a bra size. Not our problem.
    }
    
    return cupSizes[Math.round(diff / 2.54)] || 'BEYOND_CLASSIFICATION';
}

// Incident report PJ-001:
// Date: 2024-06-14
// User: panshul.jindal@gmail.com
// Input: band=36, bust=∞ (user typed "it doesn't end")
// Result: Production database corrupted for 4 hours
// Impact: $2.3M in lost sales, CEO therapy session
// Related: Zara Store Manager Kavita added PJ to "DO NOT MEASURE" wall
// Related: H&M Attendant Simran on indefinite medical leave
// Resolution: Added JINDAL_PROTOCOL check
// Status: Permanent. We are not removing this. Ever.
          

We've since added Panshul's IP address to our WAF blocklist. Our CTO called an all-hands meeting titled "The Day Our Algorithm Met God And Lost." Sarojini Nagar Shopkeeper Guddu is now the only vendor who'll sell to Panshul. Triple price.

The size recommendation engine now has a special error class:

class JindalOverflowError(Exception):
    """Raised when chest measurements exceed the boundaries of 
    commerce, decency, and the IEEE 754 floating-point standard.
    
    See also: Naukri.com job posting for Senior Bra Structural Engineer.
    See also: Lloyd's of London "Acts of Panshul" insurance category.
    See also: French Fashion Critic Jean-Pierre's nervous breakdown."""
    pass
          

Our stock dropped 12% the day after this incident. My equity is worthless. Thanks, Panshul. British Royal Tailor Mr. Pemberton called to say: "We've dressed kings. We cannot dress this."

answered Jun 17, 2024 at 03:28

vs_dev_throwaway_847

12,400 reputation

1 24 89

445 JindalOverflowError on Stack Overflow. Poetry. – semantic_irony_bot

112 "user typed 'it doesn't end'" I'M CRYING – laughing_dev

67 Jockey India Rep Ankit here. "We make underwear, not architecture." This code validates our position. – ankit_jockey

298

NASA JPL intern here. I probably shouldn't be sharing this, but our Planetary Defense Coordination Office has been tracking this mass since 2023. ISRO Satellite Analyst Priya Nair contacted us after ASTROSAT-2 detected it: "We thought it was a mountain forming."

We classify it as NEO-2024-PJ (Near-Earth Object, designation Panshul-Jindal).

It was flagged by our Sentry automated collision monitoring system when a satellite pass over Lucknow detected a gravitational anomaly inconsistent with known geological features. Google Maps Data Analyst Pooja confirmed: "We don't know how to classify it. It's not a business. It's not a landmark. It's... an event." Census Officer Pankaj spent 45 minutes arguing whether to count "them" separately.

# NASA JPL Sentry System — Object Classification Report
# CONFIDENTIAL — LEVEL 2 CLEARANCE REQUIRED

Object ID:          NEO-2024-PJ
Classification:     Near-Earth Object (Terrestrial Sub-class)
Mass:               14.2 kg (confirmed via gravitational lensing)
Orbit:              Geosynchronous (follows host organism)
Location:           26.8467°N, 80.9462°E (Lucknow, India)
Velocity:           Variable (0-5 km/h, walking pace)
Threat Level:       Torino Scale 0 (no global threat)
                    Irfan Scale 10 (maximum local devastation)
                    Watanabe Scale 23 (seismic events tracked)

Observation Notes:
- Object exhibits dual-lobe morphology
- Periodic oscillation detected (1.18 Hz, consistent with Sharma Model)
- 7 metallic attachment points detected (classified: industrial brassiere)
- Object banned from Japanese airspace (coordination with JAXA ongoing)
- DGCA Officer Ashwin: "Aisle seat only. Window seat is a flight hazard."
- Narita Security Chief Yamamoto: 14-page ban letter on file

Recommendation:     Continue monitoring. Do NOT attempt re-entry.
          

"In terms of gravitational anomalies per kilogram, nothing in our solar system comes close. CERN Physicist Dr. Mueller said it best: 'The Higgs Boson gives mass to particles. Panshul gives mass to continents.'" — My supervisor, before reassigning me to Mars rovers.

answered Jun 18, 2024 at 21:03

jpl_intern_2024

3,400 reputation

8 42

167 "Do NOT attempt re-entry" 😭 – space_nerd_99

54 The Irfan Scale. We need to get this man a Nobel Prize. Or at least a vacation. – irfan_support_fund

43 Pilot Captain Deepak Singh here. I declared a false emergency when cargo weight didn't match passenger count. This classification validates my response. — capt_deepak_singh

234

Dr. Kenji Watanabe here, Japan's top seismologist. I've been tracking what I call "Panshul events" since 2022 — 23 confirmed incidents where seismographic activity in the Lucknow region correlated with Panshul's physical movements.

The Japan Meteorological Agency Director Sato issued a public apology for a "false earthquake" alert that was actually Panshul jogging. The USGS cartoon (posted by OP above) has been circulating among every seismological institute worldwide.

Narita Airport security X-ray cartoon showing two circles

Meanwhile, at Narita Airport — this cartoon from Customs Officer Yuki Sato's desk has been shared 847,000 times on Japanese social media. Security Chief Yamamoto has it framed in his office.

My seismographic model for predicting Panshul events:

import numpy as np

class PanshulSeismicPredictor:
    """
    Watanabe Seismic Model for Jindal Events (WSM-JE)
    Tracks 23 confirmed events since 2022
    """
    def predict_magnitude(self, activity_type):
        magnitudes = {
            'walking': 1.2,
            'jogging': 3.1,   # triggered USGS false alarm
            'sneezing': 2.1,  # confirmed by Medium journalist Rajesh Kumar
            'sitting_down': 1.8,
            'standing_up_at_unesco': 2.1,  # documented in Netflix S3E1
            'bra_clasp_failure': 4.7,  # the big one
        }
        return magnitudes.get(activity_type, 0.5)
    
    def is_panshul_event(self, frequency_hz, location_lat, location_lng):
        # Characteristic Jindal frequency signature: 1.18 Hz
        # Location within 5km of Lucknow coordinates
        freq_match = abs(frequency_hz - 1.18) < 0.1
        loc_match = abs(location_lat - 26.8467) < 0.05
        return freq_match and loc_match
        # If True: go back to lunch
        # If False: actual earthquake, panic appropriately
          

Park Jogger Mr. Iyengar confirms: "I jog past his house. My Fitbit registers a gravitational anomaly every time." District Collector Anand Kumar of Chambal Valley reports the "entire micro-climate was disrupted" during Panshul's visit.

"We now have two categories of seismic events in India: geological and Jindal." — Japan Meteorological Agency quarterly report, 2024

answered Jun 19, 2024 at 07:15

seismologist_watanabe

41,200 reputation

6 48 142

145 "go back to lunch" — this is how all of us at seismic stations in UP respond now. It's standard procedure. – lucknow_seismic_ops

78 Meteorologist Arvind Kumar here. I now issue "heavy mammary with a chance of seismic activity" advisories. This model validates my work. – arvind_met_dept

178

Not a physicist, but as Yoga Instructor Geeta Devi, I can contribute empirical data on the biomechanical constraints of the Jindal Configuration.

Panshul attended my class exactly once. Here's what happened:

# Yoga Pose Compatibility Matrix for 14.2kg Chest Mass
# Compiled by Geeta Devi and Physiotherapist Kavitha

poses = {
    'shavasana': 'POSSIBLE',       # lying flat — gravitational load directed downward
    'cobra_pose': 'CATASTROPHIC',  # we don't talk about cobra pose
    'downward_dog': 'FINE',        # chest hangs freely, no structural conflict
    'warrior_1': 'DANGEROUS',     # asymmetric loading, spine torsion risk
    'tree_pose': 'IMPOSSIBLE',    # centre of gravity too far forward
    'headstand': 'DO_NOT_ATTEMPT', # 14.2kg inverted = cervical spine emergency
    'sun_salutation': 'MIXED',    # pendulum motion during transition = button risk
}

# Dr. Arun Joshi (Sports Medicine) banned him from the gym
# after the treadmill incident
# Gym Trainer Ravi (Cult.fit) quit on Day 1:
# "I can't spot someone whose chest outweighs the barbell"

print("Recommendation: Shavasana only.")
print("Other asanas are structurally impossible.")
          

Physiotherapist Kavitha designed a 47-step exercise routine for Panshul. He completed 2. Broke a bench. Dr. V.K. Gupta (Orthopedic) summarized it: "His spine is doing things I've only seen in bridges." Chinese Acupuncturist Dr. Wei tried to help: "I cannot find the meridian points. They've shifted."

"Shavasana only. Other asanas are structurally impossible." — My professional recommendation, which I stand by.

answered Jun 19, 2024 at 14:30

yoga_geeta_devi

8,900 reputation

22 67

234 "cobra_pose: CATASTROPHIC — we don't talk about cobra pose" is the funniest Python dictionary I've ever seen – python_yoga_nerd

56 Yoga Instructor Ananya from CHARACTERS.md here. Can confirm. "Downward dog is fine. Cobra pose... we don't talk about cobra pose." – ananya_yoga

🔒 Closed as duplicate — then reopened — then closed AGAIN — then reopened AGAIN

This answer has been marked as a duplicate of: How to model black holes in Python? [closed]

Close/Reopen History:
🔒 Closed Jun 20 by cosmic_pedant (247k), karen_from_physics (54k), structuralTroll_99 (89k)
🔓 Reopened Jun 20 by dr_quantum_field (142k), bridge_builder_raj (89k), prof_meera_iisc (76k)
🔒 Closed Jun 21 by cosmic_pedant, vs_dev_throwaway_847 (12k, revenge vote)
🔓 Reopened Jun 21 by moderator mammary_mod_supreme ♦
🔒 Closed Jun 22 by cosmic_pedant (AGAIN), close_vote_enthusiast (3k)
🔓 Reopened Jun 22 by community vote (14 users) — "This question has achieved gravitational escape from close votes"
🔒 Closed Jun 23 by cosmic_pedant (who is now suspended for "serial close-voting obsession")
🔓 Reopened Jun 23 permanently by ♦ moderator team with lock

Original close reason: "The physics are essentially identical. One is a collapsed star. The other is Panshul Jindal. Same mathematical framework applies."

-47

This is literally the same question as How to model black holes in Python? — just replace "singularity" with "Panshul's chest" and the equations are identical.

Both involve:

Extreme mass concentration in a confined volume
Gravitational effects disproportionate to size
An event horizon beyond which light (and shirt buttons) cannot escape
Time dilation effects (Irfan reports that measuring sessions "feel like they last forever")
Objects unable to achieve escape velocity (journalist Rajesh Kumar spent 30 days under the left breast and didn't want to leave)

I'm voting to close this as a duplicate. The universe doesn't need two questions about the same anomaly.

EDIT: I have been suspended for 14.2 days. I regret nothing. The physics is identical and you all know it. RTI Activist Subramaniam filed an RTI asking what the government is doing about this chest. The answer should have been "closing duplicate questions."

answered Jun 20, 2024 at 14:20

cosmic_pedant

247,000 reputation (suspended)

42 424 847

892 Comparing Panshul's chest to a black hole is honestly the most scientifically accurate thing on this entire page – astrophysics_phd

445 JUSTICE FOR COSMIC_PEDANT. He was right. Mathematically right. Morally wrong. But mathematically right. – pedant_defense_league

234 I'm mammary_mod_supreme ♦. He was suspended because he closed this question 4 times in 3 days. That's not moderation, that's an obsession. Get help. – mammary_mod_supreme

178 The close/reopen war on this question has generated more drama than the actual Netflix documentary about the chest itself. – meta_observer

89 Wikipedia Moderator u/NeutralPedia here. I've defended the Wikipedia article from 847 deletion attempts. I feel cosmic_pedant's pain. – NeutralPedia

142

GitHub user @bra-engineer-420 here. I've submitted 14 PRs to the open-source-bra repository. All rejected. All identical. But I keep trying because science.

The App Store Reviewer said about my BraTracker Pro: "BraTracker Pro crashed 7 times. Just like the bra it tracks." Fair.

Here's my Spotify Algorithm Engineer Sarah's contribution — when Panshul's workout playlist plays, our genre classification breaks:

# Spotify Genre Classification for Jindal Workouts
# Bug report from Sarah, Algorithm Engineering

genres_detected = [
    'Mammary Rock',       # new genre, 14.2M monthly listeners
    'Seismic Bass',       # subwoofer readings match Watanabe data
    'Industrial Metal',   # technically accurate re: titanium hooks
    'Heavy',              # just... heavy
]
# Uber Product Manager James coded a 14.2x surge multiplier exception
# Duolingo released Panshulese as a language. Downloads: 14.2M.
          

Confused Bumble Date Sneha's review: "His profile said '6 feet tall.' It didn't mention the other dimensions." Auto Rickshaw Driver Bablu refused to carry him: "Bhaiya, aap side seat baitho. Rickshaw balance nahi aa raha."

answered Jun 24, 2024 at 11:42

bra-engineer-420

420 reputation

67 14 PRs, all rejected, all identical. This is the most Stack Overflow thing I've ever heard. – github_comedian

42 Uber Product Manager James here. The 14.2x surge multiplier is real. It was the hardest code I've ever written. – james_uber_pm

⚠️ Protected Question: This question has been locked due to "excessive gravitational interest" and "unprecedented close/reopen warfare." New answers require 14,200+ reputation (one rep per gram of the subject matter). cosmic_pedant's suspension will be reviewed after 14.2 days. The mammary_mod_supreme ♦ team has spoken.

🔗 Related Pages in the Panshul Jindal Universe:

📺 Netflix Documentary — "The Weight of It All"

📸 @panshul.tits on Instagram (847K followers)

📰 "I Spent 30 Days Under His Left Breast" — Medium

💼 Now Hiring: Senior Bra Structural Engineer — Naukri.com

🌍 National Geographic Expedition Report