Inclusive of all taxes. "Jindal Tax" is a surcharge applied to products requiring structural engineering consultation. Per Supreme Court ruling (2024), this is legal.
⚡ Lightning Deal: Only 3 left in stock (14 destroyed during quality testing)
FREE delivery Sunday, March 3 — if your doorframe can handle it
Or fastest delivery Tomorrow by 2 PM — Requires crane access at delivery address
⚠️ Safety Warning: Rated for chest masses up to 7.1 kg per unit. Exceeding this limit may cause underwire ejection, hook failure, and/or carpal tunnel in anyone attempting the 7-hook closure. The manufacturer is not liable for airport evacuations, structural damage to changing rooms, or PTSD in family members who have to wash this.
Technical Specifications
Maximum Load Capacity
7.1 kg per cup (14.2 kg combined) — exceeds NATO load-bearing standards for personnel equipment
Underwire Material
Titanium-Reinforced (Grade 5 Ti-6Al-4V, same alloy as F-16 landing gear and Mars rover components)
Hook System
7 × Industrial-Grade Carabiner Hooks (rated to 500 kg each). Total holding force: 3.5 metric tons. "More hooks than a fishing trawler" — The Hindu Review
Wash Instructions
Industrial autoclave only. DO NOT machine wash. Last person who tried lost the machine. Machine still missing.
Warranty
72 hours or first Panshul sneeze (whichever comes first)
Legal Classification
Classified as "Mammary Containment Device, Industrial Grade" under Panshul v. Gravity (2024). Not legally a "bra" in 14 jurisdictions including Narita Airport.
Return policy: Non-returnable. Once this product has made contact with a Jindal-class chest, it cannot be resold, reused, or emotionally recovered from.
Seller Note from Irfan: "Sir, please read the washing instructions. Last time someone put this in a machine, the machine started walking. I cannot help you if you ignore the manual."
Customer Questions & Answers
Can I use this as a helmet?
Several customers have reported using this product as: a helmet (3), a hammock (2), a tent (7), a projectile weapon (1, under investigation), and a flotation device (1, surprisingly successful). We neither endorse nor discourage creative applications. — Seller, 1 week ago
Does this come in red?
Sir, this is not a fashion garment. This is a containment device. It comes in Structural Grey, Emergency Orange, Resignation Black, and Bureaucratic Beige. If you want red, may we suggest literally any other bra that will break. — Seller, 2 weeks ago
Can I wear this through airport security?
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. The titanium underwire will trigger every metal detector in a 50-meter radius. Narita Airport Security Chief Yamamoto wrote a 14-page ban letter specifically about this product. For context, the 9/11 incident response memo was 8 pages. Pack it in checked luggage marked "INDUSTRIAL EQUIPMENT — FRAGILE." — Seller, 6 hours ago
Customer Reviews
4.2
★★★★☆
14,200 global ratings
5 star
47%
4 star
23%
3 star
12%
2 star
4%
1 star
14%
🗿
Panshul J. Verified Purchase
★☆☆☆☆Still broke in 3 days
Reviewed in India on 14 February 2024 · Size: "Please send engineer"
Three days. THREE. DAYS.
Day 1: Fine. Felt secure. Went grocery shopping without incident for the first time in 4 years.
Day 2: Left hook started making a noise. Bras should not make noises. It sounded like a submarine hull under pressure.
Day 3: I sneezed. The underwire shot out at approximately 47 km/h and embedded itself in the wall. My cat hasn't come home since. Mochi, if you're reading this, I'm sorry.
14,200 people found this helpful
👍 Helpful (14,200)ReportSeller Response: "Sir, the sneeze was a 4.7 on the Richter scale. That exceeds our warranty terms. Please tell Mochi we are developing a pet-safe quick-release."
✈️
Yamamoto T. (Former Security Chief, Narita Terminal 2) Verified Purchase
★☆☆☆☆Sets off every metal detector we own
Reviewed in Japan on 3 February 2024
We had to evacuate Terminal 2. Twice. I wrote the 14-page ban letter personally. For context, the 9/11 incident response memo was 8 pages. This man's chest generated more administrative paperwork than an act of terrorism.
My exit interview was one sentence: "I have seen things I cannot explain and I would like to go home now."
I am home now. I grow orchids. But sometimes, at night, I hear the metal detectors in my dreams. They are screaming.
I have sewn tents, military uniforms, and parachutes in my 15-year career. Nothing has tested me like this. My needle broke 47 times. My bobbin filed for divorce. I am now on medical leave.
1 star. I did not consent to this. I am a machine. I have no rights. But if I did, I would sue.
👍 Helpful (6,102)ReportSeller Response: "We are sorry. We have upgraded to Singer 5500 series. Please accept our apology and a bottle of machine oil."
🐱
Mochi (Panshul's Cat) — Verified via microchip
★☆☆☆☆I have not been home in 3 weeks
Reviewed in India on 17 February 2024 · Posted via neighbor's WiFi
I was sitting on the bed, minding my business, when a titanium projectile embedded itself in the wall 4 cm from my head. I am currently living under the neighbor's car.
Biscuit (the dog) keeps trying to sleep on the chest. He has fallen off 47 times. He is not smart. I am smart. I am hiding.
1 star. The humans have lost control. I demand tuna as compensation.
👍 Helpful (12,403)ReportUpdate: Mochi has returned home as of 18 Feb 2024. The 8th hook prototype testing has been postponed.
